A Change In The Weather
by Anony-Mousy
Summary: Written way back in 2004. Just posting to see if there's any interest before adding more. Some bad language and innuendo but hey, they're sailors, right? War has broken out and the seaQuest is in the thick of the fighting... N/K with some N/W (sorry!) Enjoy.
1. A Gentle Thaw

**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'seaQuest' it belongs to Amblin Entertainment and I thank them for creating the characters for me to play with. This story was written purely for fun and not for monetary gain.

 **Author's Note:** This story was written way back in 2004 and is part 1 of a trilogy. I'm posting the first part now to see if there's any interest and btw as far as I'm concerned '2032' never happened! Let me know if you'd like the rest. Hope you enjoy it.

xxxxx

A Gentle Thaw

By

Maggie M.

xxxxx

The explosions were getting louder and Kristin sighed inwardly. They'd gone away before, maybe they would this time? She hoped so, anyway. The door of the Research Facility flew open and one of the local workers came rushing inside.

"They're getting closer, Doc. I don't think we're going to get away with it this time."

She sighed again. "Neither do I, I think we should…" There was another salvo. "You're right. Okay people, I think we're going to have to pack everything up but please be careful, we don't want to throw away months of work."

An hour later, apart from the odd glass beaker smashed in their haste, everything was locked down and secured. The battle was within a couple of miles of them now and they could quite clearly make out the sound of gunfire. Kristin banged something on the workbench to get everyone's attention.

"Looks like we've had it here. I'm going to send out the emergency signal but first I want to say a big thank you to all of the people who have helped us and kept us fed. It's time for you to return to your families. The rest of us will collect our things; make our way along the beach and shelter in the caves until we're picked up."

An air of panic was starting to spread through the research staff and some of the women were sniffling back tears, but Kristin stood tall and calm, making no sudden moves that would alarm anyone. They took their lead from her and an uneasy peace settled in the room. They'd stayed too long, she knew that, sacrificing their safety for the work they were doing.

Another explosion rang out, this one much closer, and she retreated to her office, activating the signal before collecting her own belongings and stuffing them all into a UEO issue duffel bag. Clearing her desk, she gathered her papers, research notes, computer discs and other paraphernalia and headed for the door returning almost immediately to pick up the lone photograph which still stood on the desk; the photograph of a man who none of the other workers had ever seen, or even spoken to, in all the time they'd been there. There had been lots of speculation but not one of them had been able to fathom who he was.

She studied the handsome but rugged face for a few seconds before it joined the rest of her stuff and she walked back into the main complex. "Everyone done..?"

A chorus of 'yeses' and 'yeahs' assured her that they were.

Reaching out she punched a few keys on the main computer and the files began to automatically delete, going through a scramble and bleaching process to render them useless to anyone who might try to access them. When it was done she shut down the computer for what would probably be the last time.

"Right, let's get out of here."

With a final look around to make sure that everything was secure, Kristin stepped through the front door and keyed in the code that would seal it behind them. A loud bang had them dropping to the ground, that one had been too close for comfort.

Quickly she urged the group to their feet, but several didn't get up; some wounded, others dead. Helping each other as best they could, they made their way cautiously to the shelters, keeping wherever possible in the shadow of the rocks. Kristin tried to encourage them gently as she tended their injuries on the move, all the while praying that someone had picked up their distress call.

The beleaguered group huddled together, more for comfort than anything else as the conflict raged on behind them. The aggressors' progress had slowed but not ceased. Obviously the local people were putting up a strong defence but Kristin knew that it couldn't last - the odds against them were far too great. The momentary silence was shattered by another explosion…

xxxx

Nathan Hale Bridger stood dead centre of the bridge, hands clasped behind his back, his body rigid like a tightly wound spring, and surveyed his crew. He'd been captain of the seaQuest for a little over five years and watched as it had gradually transformed from a research and science vessel into a fully-fledged ship of war. He'd seen crewmembers come and go... some moving to other vessels and others casualties of that war. Friends like Manilow Crocker, Benjamin Krieg and Chief Ortiz.

A few of the original crew remained… Jonathan Ford, ever at his side, Tim O'Neill, Communications Officer; Chief Shan – Head of Security and even Lucas… now in uniform along with the rest. He had been given a choice – either join up and become a proper member of the crew or leave the boat permanently. He'd chosen to stay, against Bridger's wishes, because it was the only real home he'd ever known, but their relationship had changed; now they were Captain and Ensign.

Other things had changed too, especially him. It had happened gradually, almost imperceptibly. He'd closed himself off from the rest of them, become aloof and a stickler for discipline. With every death he'd hardened and turned into everything he despised, but once he'd started the journey there seemed to be no turning back. Nathan the human being was buried somewhere deep inside of him, protected by Captain Bridger, the battled-hardened veteran of now, two wars.

The bridge crew were on edge, he could feel it. And he knew that although it was partly down to the situation they found themselves in… it was mainly his presence on the bridge. Still, it served to keep them on their toes

The young man at the station next to Lucas Wolenczak leaned towards his friend. "Do you think he's gonna stand there all day?"

Lucas shrugged.

"Geez, I hope not. He scares the hell out of me."

As much as he hated to admit it, just lately he'd felt the same way. "He wasn't always like that. He used to be okay."

"What happened?"

Bridger's voice boomed at them. "Mr. Wolenczak, do you have something to say?"

 _Why the hell did he always have to pick on him?_ "No, Sir."

"Really? I could have sworn I heard your voice."

"Captain, I… I…"

"It was my fault, Sir." The younger Ensign stammered. "I asked him a question."

"Well next time either address it to myself or Commander Ford. Understood?"

"Aye Sir. Sorry, Sir." Bridger turned away for a moment and he used the opportunity to make one last comment. "Yeah Lucas, I'm sure he used to be a real pussycat."

Angry tears pricked at the back of Lucas' eyes. "He did." He whispered vehemently. The sound of the clam-doors opening had them jumping to attention as General Thomas strode onto the bridge.

"Everything in order, Captain?"

"Yes, General. Mr O'Neill, what's our e.t.a.?"

"Approximately thirty minutes, Captain."

"Very well… Chief Shan, get your men to their stations."

"Aye, Sir."

General Thomas took him to one side. "Let's get this over and done with shall we, Captain. We should be out there killing the bad guys, not playing nursemaid to a bunch of stupid scientists who managed to get themselves trapped behind enemy lines. Should have left them there, might have taught them a valuable lesson."

"They'd probably have been killed."

"I don't have a problem with that."

Nathan merely nodded and moved back to his earlier position.

xxxx

"What the hell is that?" A male voice from the front of the cave shouted and Kristin moved forward to join him. From out of the depths of the sea a large black shape had suddenly appeared.

"It's a launch." She responded and then closed her eyes and sighed as she recognised the markings on the side. When she opened them again two more had joined it.

"A launch… Where from? I can't see any ships out there."

"You won't. They're from a submarine."

That stirred a mixed response from the others. "A submarine..?" "I'm not going on any…" "Is it safe?" "I've never been on a submarine."

Kristin tried to allay their fears, even if she couldn't quash her own. "It'll be alright, don't worry. If we had to be rescued by sea then we couldn't have wished for a better saviour… it's the _seaQuest_."

There was another chorus. " _seaQuest_..?" "You mean the…" "Oh wow."

"Wow, indeed." Kristin whispered inaudibly.

The doors of the craft opened and a dozen or more well-armed men spewed out from each of them.

"Come on," She ordered. "Help the wounded."

"What about the dead?"

"Leave them." Her voice cracked as she gave the command.

"But…"

"We can't take them with us… move!"

As they made their way across the open beach to join their black-clad saviours, the buzz of a helicopter could be heard overhead. People started screaming as the beach was raked with gunfire and the _seaQuest_ crew yelled at them to hit the deck. As Kristin lay there she could hear the wounded calling for help, but there was nothing she could do. She bit her lip, her hands clutching at the sand in an effort to force herself to stay where she was.

The remaining crew onboard the launches fired back and the helicopter eventually gave up the fight. A vaguely familiar voice was shouting to them.

"Who's in charge here?"

Kristin got to her feet. "I am, Chief."

"Dr. Westphalen?"

"Yes Will."

"We have to get out of here, now."

Kristin rallied her people and they all started to run towards the launches, more shots rang out and a sailor a few feet from her went down. Hastily she crossed to him and helped him up, almost dragging him through the open hatchway.

As they began to submerge, she leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes, desperately trying to control the shaking that had taken possession of her body. The sounds of crying and moaning penetrated her despair and wearily she stood and made her way to the supply cupboard to collect the med-kit she knew she'd find there. At least this way she wouldn't have time to think about everyone she'd lost, or what was to come.

xxxx

 _seaQuest's_ X-O fidgeted nervously as he waited for the hatch to open, signalling the arrival of the rescued science team. He really wasn't sure how to play it. Of course, he was pleased to see her again but…

"Commander Ford."

His stomach turned over. "Doctor Westphalen."

She held out her hand to him, an uncertain look on her face. "It's good to see you again."

He relaxed visibly. "You too, Doctor."

"I think you're gonna need to work on that a little, Jonathan. Make it sound more as though you actually mean it." She teased.

Once upon a time he would have taken that comment the wrong way but, in the months they'd worked together and even known each other socially, he'd realised that it was just her way. "I do mean it Kristin, it's just awkward… I mean…"

"It's okay. Trust me, this wasn't exactly where I'd planned to spend the next few days either. But, we're all grown-ups and I think we should be able to handle this like adults, don't you? Where's Nathan?"

"He's tied up at the moment, so he sent me to welcome you all."

"Okay, well maybe some of us can't." Kristin muttered.

Ford jumped to his commanding officer's defence. "He really is busy, Doctor. He's in the wardroom with General Thomas."

"Thomas is on board?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Oh boy, this just keeps getting better and better. Perhaps I should have taken my chances and stayed put."

Ford just grinned and turned to his Chief of Security. "Take these good people to the med-bay."

"There are a few who need urgent attention, Commander." Kristin put in.

"They'll sort it out Doctor. Meanwhile I'll show you to your quarters."

She hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. "Lead the way."

As they turned a corner they ran into one of the many repair teams working on some loose piping and conduit. "Looks like you've seen a lot of action."

"Too much, Kristin… Too damned much..."

"Is Lucas okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. I guess he's young enough to take this in his stride. The younger ensigns are looking on it as an adventure."

"Some adventure! Although, it was exciting to you too once…"

"I know, but that seems so long ago. The whole idea of going to war and fighting for your country or confederation, or whatever… But when the casualties start mounting and you see your colleagues and friends hurt, or worse…" He shuddered.

Kristin squeezed his arm in sympathy and support. "I know Jonathan, I know."

"I can almost see now why you were so anti-military. It can't be fun, picking up the pieces."

"It isn't." She hesitated for a moment. "Nathan?"

"He's fine… but he's changed Kristin. He's not the same man anymore – distant… cold…"

"War will do that, especially when you're the one giving the orders and taking the responsibility for the consequences."

"No Doctor… Okay, that's added to it, but he'd changed even before this all started. A little over two years ago in fact…" He finished as tactfully as possible, although his voice had an accusatory edge.

"Jonathan, I…" The boat shook as the alert klaxons sounded once more.

"These are your quarters for the duration, Doctor. I have to get to the bridge."

Kristin stared after him as he disappeared back the way they'd just come. Apparently, everyone blamed her for what had happened.

xxxx

The last thing she'd intended to do was fall asleep, but the gentle thrum of _seaQuest's_ engines, and the feeling of the security of a familiar place that engulfed her, had lulled her there, nevertheless. A persistent tapping sound brought her back to reality and she bolted upright, rubbing her eyes just as one of her junior staff entered her cabin.

"Carrie?"

"I'm sorry to wake you Doctor but I didn't know who else to ask…"

"It's alright, I shouldn't have been sleeping. What is it?"

"It's our casualties, ma'am."

Kristin's brain was still fuzzy with sleep. "They're being taken care of, right?"

The younger woman shuffled nervously. "That's just it ma'am, they're not."

She was on her feet in an instant. "What do you mean, they're not? Where's Sarah?"

"She's dead ma'am. She was one of the people we left on the beach."

Kristin sat down again abruptly. How could she not have known? She'd just assumed that her friend and colleague had been on one of the other launches. Her hand flew to her mouth as she stifled a sob.

"I'm sorry Doctor, I thought you knew."

"No, no I didn't." With a superhuman effort she pulled herself together. "Now, what about our people..?"

"They've been waiting in med-bay for almost two hours but none of them have been treated, the _seaQuest_ crew seem to take first priority no matter how trivial their problem is."

"Even over the more seriously wounded?"

"Yes ma'am."

Kristin's grief turned to anger. "You go back to med-bay. I'm going to find Captain Bridger even if I have to search this damn boat from stem to stern!"

"Is that the man whose photograph stood on your desk?" Carrie inquired tentatively.

"Yes." She was a little surprised that she knew who he was.

"He's down in med-bay now, checking on his men. He showed up just as I was leaving."

"Is he now? Right, come with me."

The doctor steamed down the corridor so quickly that Carrie had to run to keep up with her. She'd never seen her boss in full flow before and she thanked God for it. Kristin Westphalen might be small but right at that moment, she was positively terrifying.

xxxx

Lucas and his sidekick, Ensign Perry, had decided to use part of their downtime to check up on Ensign Takamura, a very pretty young woman who they both fancied their chances with and who had been injured during their last skirmish. They entered med-bay together and as they approached the bedside they saw Doctor Wendy Smith was already there, checking on her patient.

"Hello Lucas, Jack."

"Hi Doc, how's the patient?"

"I'm fine, thank you." She smiled up at them. "That's far more interesting."

"What?"

They all turned in the direction she indicated. Captain Bridger seemed to be in a heated argument with what looked like a civilian.

"What on Earth?"

"We don't know. The redhead just stormed in here and started yelling at him." At that moment Bridger moved slightly, giving the new arrivals a perfect view of the woman as she continued to tear into their captain.

"Oh God, the bitch is back." Lucas muttered.

"You know her?" Smith asked curiously.

"Yeah, I know her. That's Doctor Kristin Westphalen."

"The ex CMO?"

"The very same."

"I've heard a lot about her." Wendy commented her gaze riveted on the angry couple.

"Yeah, and it's probably all true."

"She's got a lot of guts." Perry offered. "I'd never dare talk to the old man like that."

From her position on the bed, Takamura studied them curiously, gasping as the captain's arm shot round the woman's waist to steady her as the ship lurched suddenly. She extricated herself from his grasp almost immediately but didn't back off. "Did you see that? My God, the way they're acting you'd think they were married or something." She observed.

"They are." Lucas stated matter-of-factly.

"What?" Three voices chorused simultaneously.

"They've been married for three years, although they've spent the last two apart. She walked out on him."

"Well, if he treated her the way he does us, I don't blame her." Perry commented.

Lucas turned on him angrily. "He didn't! It was her… it's always been her. Would you believe he's her fourth husband?"

"Whoa, bitter much?" The young Ensign grinned.

"Yeah, well so would you be, if you'd had to live with it."

Wendy made a mental note to question Lucas Wolenczak later. Meanwhile the argument raged on…

"Damn it Doctor, this is still my boat! You and your people are not members of my crew, you're our guests. And these men risked their lives to save you from a situation of your own making."

"Don't you think I know that? I realise we're not members of **your** crew but some of **my** people are seriously injured and they need to be taken care of!"

Nathan's voice was low, but held a dangerous edge. "Then why don't you stop complaining and do something about it? I take it you can still find your way around a med-bay without my help."

His eyes glittered with anger and frustration, and Kristin could no longer hold his gaze. She looked away and it was then that she noticed they had an audience. "Very well Captain, with your permission, I'll do just that."

He was left momentarily speechless by her sudden capitulation but following her gaze, he too saw the crowd they'd drawn. "You have it Doctor. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the bridge."

Nathan walked swiftly away but changed direction mid-journey and headed for his quarters.

xxxx

Closing the door and locking it, he moved quickly to his bunk and sat down heavily, putting his head in his hands. _Why the hell did it have to be her? Why? And why had she made him so goddamned angry? So angry that he'd caused a scene in front of his junior officers._ He'd noticed that Lucas was amongst them, and that meant everyone on board would know about himself and Kristin and they'd all talk whether it was their business or not. He rubbed his face with his hands. _What a damn mess._

Shaking his head, he laughed out loud. After all this time she could still do it… She still knew which buttons to push to make him crazy, she always had whether it was a disagreement, or in bed. One thing was certain even now, she was still the most beautiful, vibrant and infuriating woman he'd ever known.

In the dark, they were always in perfect harmony, but in the cold light of day… They very rarely saw eye-to-eye on anything and neither had ever been willing to compromise. It had led to the most spectacular arguments and the most explosive make-up sex afterwards, until that one day when there was no making-up and she'd left.

Standing, he walked into the head and splashed his face with cold water before staring at his reflection in the mirror. He was flushed with a combination of anger and memories of encounters past, but for the first time in a very long while, he felt alive.

xxxx

Kristin had worked her way steadily through her injured colleagues with only Carrie to help her, since Wendy had made it quite clear that none of her nurses could be spared. She'd even endured the disapproving gaze of said CMO, as well as endless questions from her own staff about her relationship with _seaQuest's_ captain.

On reflection, she admitted to herself that she was wrong to have faced him down in front of his crew like that. She should have taken it somewhere more private. She knew she owed him some sort of apology but she'd be damned if she was actually going to give him one considering the way he'd treated her. A commotion drew her back to the present as a whole slew of medical alarms screamed for attention. Without thinking she crossed the room to offer her help but was met with a frosty refusal. Choosing not to point out that two pairs of hands were better than one she retreated to her allotted space, earning a sympathetic smile from Dr. Latimer as he rushed by her.

After completing her reports and tidying up she pondered what to do next. She was tired… dead tired, and a hot shower and then bed wouldn't go amiss, but then her stomach grumbled and hunger won out. Throwing the last of the cloths into the waste disposal, she walked out into the corridor, wondering where she was supposed to eat.

A voice behind her made her jump. "You look a little lost."

"I was just wondering where I could get some food in this place."

"Of course, you must be hungry," Jonathan Ford smiled down at her. "You can use the Officers' Mess."

"Thanks."

"It's that way." He indicated the general direction with a nod of his head.

"I remember."

Standing in line, she began to doubt she was really that hungry after all. From what she could see on other plates, it didn't seem particularly appealing. She moved forward and found herself drawing close to a table where Captain Bridger and General Thomas were discussing something over coffee. A few more steps and she could hear their conversation...

"Nathan… There's something I've always wanted to know."

"What's that, Frank?"

"Why the hell did you marry the Westphalen woman in the first place?"

Nathan paused for a moment, somewhat irritated by the question. "A moment of insanity." He offered facetiously.

Thomas laughed aloud. "You're not kidding… Jesus!"

A movement over the general's shoulder caught Bridger's attention and he looked up, surprised and somewhat chagrined to find Kristin standing behind him at the counter but what surprised him more, was the look on her face. Their eyes locked for an instant and then she dropped her tray back onto the pile, turned on her heel and exited the room.

xxxx

Much later that night, Nathan strode into med-bay to check on the latest casualties and found himself at the bedside of a young Ensign. Kristin was the attending physician since she and Wendy had finally decided to share duties. The atmosphere between them was tense.

"How is he, Doctor?"

"He'll be fine, up on his feet in no time."

The patient smiled up at her. "Thanks to you Doc… You saved my life."

"Just doing my job, Sailor…"

"No, it was more than that. You know, Captain, if the Doc here was in the military she'd probably get a medal."

Bridger looked astonished. He knew he should move on; tell the Ensign to show more respect, but his curiosity was peaked. "Why?"

The young man quickly related how he'd been hit and Kristin had come back for him, helping him to the launch even though they were still under fire.

Despite himself Bridger was impressed. "It was a very brave thing to do."

"That's what I said… she deserves a medal, courage under fire or something."

Kristin was beginning to feel a little embarrassed. "You just get better, that'll do for me." She smiled softly and started to walk away but stopped after a couple of paces. "Nathan, was it really that bad?"

"Was what really that bad?" He asked momentarily at a loss.

"Being married to me... Was it really that bad?"

"Kristin, I…"

"It's okay you can tell me, it's not as though I haven't heard it before." She smiled humourlessly.

"Kris, I really…" More casualties were brought in, interrupting him.

"Never mind. Maybe it's better not to know." She walked across the room to the new arrivals.

Nathan stood and watched her for a moment but she didn't look in his direction again.

xxxx

A couple of days later after her shift, Kristin stood and waited impatiently for the arrival of the mag-lev and when it finally appeared she climbed in and sat down on one of the seats pleased to find that she was the only one inside. Her happiness was short-lived however, when Nathan squeezed through the doors as they were about to close. They eyed each other warily but neither spoke, Bridger opting to sit on the opposite side at the end farthest from her.

This piece of equipment had always been renowned for its speed but at that moment it might have been crawling. A series of explosions erupted outside and they came to an abrupt halt, throwing them both from their seats and plunging them into darkness, the only sound one of twisting metal. Another series of bangs followed almost immediately. _Depth charges._ He thought ruefully. _Commander, you need to take us to the bottom._

Struggling to his feet, he checked himself out as best he could. His back ached and there was a throbbing pain somewhere down his left shin but all things considered, he'd got off pretty lightly. A moan reminded him that he hadn't been alone.

"Kristin, are you alright?"

There was no reply.

"Dammit Doctor, answer me! Are you alright?"

There was another groan in the dark. "I don't… I don't know… What happened?"

"Depth charges."

"Terrific. Who put out the lights?"

"Power's down."

"Oxygen?"

"I'm not sure."

"Terrific," she repeated and drew in a sharp breath. "Owww…"

"Are you hurt?"

"I think I must be."

"How bad?"

"Don't know."

"You must know, you're a doctor for chrissake." His worry for his ship and crew was making him increasingly tetchy.

"And you designed this damn thing but you don't even know if life support is still functioning." She countered equally irritably.

"Touché. Keep talking, I'll try and find you."

"About what?"

"Don't be difficult." Nathan snapped. "Just talk, or lecture… You were always good at that."

Kristin chose to ignore the last remark, arguing now wouldn't do either of them any good, besides, she felt sick. "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with… ouch!"

"Sorry. What'd I get?"

"My foot."

He apologised again and knelt on a clear piece of floor putting his hand out to try and find her. He groped around and suddenly felt the unmistakable shape of her inner thigh. "Sorry again."

"Why? It's nothing you haven't done a hundred times before."

"Yes, but it's different, now." His hand continued on its journey until it came into contact with a piece of jagged metal, Bridger could feel something warm and sticky trickling down his fingers. "Hell, I think I've cut myself, I can feel blood."

"I think you'll find that's mine."

"What!?" He reached out again and, as gently as he could, traced the piece of metal back until he touched something soft and warm. "Oh Christ."

"It's gone all the way through my side, I think."

He moved his palm up slightly and touched her left breast. "Hell! Sorry."

"Would you please stop apologising" she snapped.

"Sorry. I mean… Sorry." He finished lamely.

Another round of detonations and the sub finally began to dive. _About damn time._ Nathan thought, but the sound of Kristin crying out brought him back to the situation at hand. "Kris, what the hell do I do?"

Her voice was laced with pain. "Do you have any emergency lighting in here?"

"Of course, dammit! What's the matter with me? There's an emergency toolkit in here somewhere, there should be a flashlight in it." He stood and stepped forward without thinking, tripping over something in his haste and crashing to his knees, swearing loudly.

"For God's sake be careful or we'll both be in trouble."

Taking a couple of deep breaths he got to his feet again, inching his way forward until he found a familiar section of wall, from there it was easy to locate what he was looking for. His hand closed around the flashlight and he switched it on, swinging the full beam onto her and temporarily blinding her.

"Will you watch where you're pointing that thing!"

"Sorry."

"And stop apologising for God's sake."

"Well, at least we know your mouth is in full working order."

Kristin's eyes closed and Nathan was beside her in an instant. "It hurts."

He used the beam of light to check for other injuries. Her left foot seemed to be caught under the seat, which had ripped out of its housing. Moving further up, he gasped when he saw the jagged piece of metal. As she suspected it had pierced her side from back to front. Her white T-shirt was soaked in red, the stain gradually spreading wider and wider.

"Is it bad?" She asked tentatively.

"Yes."

"Tell me."

The boat lurched suddenly and Kristin grabbed his arm, clutching it so hard she cut off the circulation. When the pain subsided a little she gasped. "You have to take it out."

"If I take it out you could bleed to death."

"And if you don't, every time the ship moves it'll do more damage."

Nathan experienced a moment of doubt, "Kris…"

"I'm the doctor, remember. I know what I'm doing."

"Then tell me what to do."

"You need to see what angle it's gone in at and try to match it when you pull it out."

"I can't pull it out… it's still attached to the seat."

"Then you'll have to pull me off it."

He shuddered. "I don't think I can."

"Why? Is there something you haven't told me?"

"No. I just don't think that **I** can do it."

"Nathan, do you see anyone else in here?"

"Of course not." He snapped.

"Then I guess you're the lucky winner." Before he could reply, she asked. "Can you see the first-aid kit?"

"Yeah." He reached out to grab it.

"What's in there?"

Quickly he reeled off the contents and Kristin laughed derisively. "I'm guessing they weren't anticipating this sort of accident when they packed it."

"I guess not. I'll speak to Wendy about it as soon as we get out of here."

"Mmm hmm… Are you ready?"

"Are you?"

"As I'll ever be."

He took hold of her shoulders and arms and she could feel his hands shaking. "My, my… the hard as nails captain has feelings after all," she teased. He made a sort of anguished noise deep in his throat and she relented, taking his hand in hers and holding on to it for a moment.

Nathan steadied himself and took a firmer hold. "Ready?"

"Do it."

Kristin couldn't stifle the scream that escaped as he pulled her forward and up and held her tightly against his chest, feeling physically sick at the thought of the pain he'd inflicted on her. He was stunned to find that she was still conscious.

"You need to put pressure on it or I'll bleed to death."

"Dammit Kris, I knew it!"

"There really wasn't a choice."

Because the metal was almost pointed the wound at the front wasn't too bad and he quickly put a gauze pad over it and fastened it down with tape. Her back was an altogether different story. "God, Kristin, there's blood everywhere!"

"Then do something about it, I haven't got that much to spare."

Leaning his back on the wall, he pulled her against him so that her right side rested on his chest, her head on his shoulder. With one hand he snatched the largest cotton pads from the first-aid kit and held them tightly, pressing them firmly against the gaping hole in her back. She cried out again at the pain and tears streamed down her cheeks.

"You're going to have to keep that sort of pressure up until they come. Do you think you can?" She asked through gritted teeth.

"For you, anything…" He managed a half-smile even though he was close to tears.

He adjusted his position as carefully as he could, so that she rested between his legs and switched off the flashlight.

"Why did you..?"

"We have to conserve the battery. I don't know how long we're going to be stuck in here."

She sobbed into his shoulder and he raised his spare hand to stroke her forehead. "It's going to be okay. Kris, but you have to stay with me. Talk to me."

They spoke on and off about everything and nothing, trying to keep the subjects neutral to prevent any arguments, one tiny part of Nathan's mind wondering what had happened to his boat. The sound of Kristin's laughter brought him back to the task at hand.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You don't laugh at nothing. C'mon, share…"

"I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"That, of all the ways I'd imagined us meeting again, this wasn't one of them."

"You thought about us meeting again?" He asked surprised.

"Yes."

"I've thought about it too."

"Really?"

"Really."

"That's nice." She started to go limp in his arms.

"Damn it Kris, stay with me here. You have to stay awake."

"I'm not sure I can."

"You have to."

"Why? If I die here, then at least we won't have to go through a messy divorce."

"You want a divorce?" His voice cracked and he coughed hurriedly to disguise it.

"I thought you would."

"Why?"

"So that you'd be free to marry Wendy."

"How do you..?"

"It's a small boat Nathan, people talk."

"Well they damn well have no right to!" Bridger stormed angrily.

"I knew almost from the first, anyway."

"How?"

"I still have friends here, or I did." She moved slightly and gasped in agony. Nathan could feel the trickle of blood through his fingers and applied more pressure, causing her to cry out again. He returned to stroking her forehead, feeling the perspiration beaded there.

"I know it hurts but you have to try to stay still."

"Mmm…" Her breathing was noticeably more laboured and shallow.

"God, I wish there was something I could do for you."

"Just keep talking to me."

He took a deep breath and picked up the conversation. "Who told you, Lucas?"

"No, he never forgave me for leaving. He hasn't spoken to me since."

"I didn't know."

"I guess he blamed me for everything that went wrong."

"That's my fault I should have spoken to him. I always assumed that you were still in touch." He finished guiltily.

"No."

"Have you ever..? I mean, is there anyone..?"

"No one."

"Never?"

"No."

"Me either. Oh the opportunity arose with Wendy; it's still there if I want to take it, but I just couldn't bring myself to… It felt too much like being unfaithful, even though…" She slumped a little. "Kristin! Dammit, you have to stay awake." He clutched her tighter to him. "Don't give up Kris, I can't do this again, I can't lose both the women I care about. Please Kristin."

"Don't you mean, cared?"

"No." He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. "I mean, care."

That seemed to rally her somehow. "But I thought… The way you've treated me since I came aboard… The things you said to Thomas…"

"I resented his prying… it was none of his damn business. I had no idea that you were there. Kris, I've spent the last two years convincing myself that I was right… that it was all, your fault and I'd damn near succeeded. It's easy when the person you're blaming isn't around but the first moment I saw you again, I knew I'd been kidding myself. I…" Sounds of drilling and scratching could be heard from outside interrupting his confession, and then voices…

"Captain… Captain, are you in there?"

"Yes, Lucas."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, but Kristin's hurt, badly. We need to get her out of here, now."

"It's not going to be that easy Captain," another voice contributed. "The power's out down here and we'll have to do everything by hand. It's gonna take at least an hour."

"She doesn't have an hour." There was a pain in his voice that only Lucas could identify.

"Then we'll try to make it sooner, Sir."

"Do that!" Bridger bellowed in his most authoritative command voice.

Kristin had been unresponsive for the last ten minutes, and Nathan felt for the flashlight and shone it on her face. She moaned in protest but her eyes remained closed.

"I'm sorry... I just need to check on you."

Her face was ashen, almost grey and her lips were very pale. Her breathing almost indiscernible… "Hold on Kristin, please. It won't be much longer. It won't…" Careful not to move his left hand, he pulled her even tighter against him, as if just his grasp would keep her in this world.

Her voice barely above a whisper, he heard her say his name. "Nathan…"

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything." She went limp in his arms.

"No Kris, no… Don't do this. Don't leave me…" His eyes filled with tears as he frantically searched for a pulse. When he didn't find one, he hugged her to him, rocking her gently to and fro. "Don't go Baby. Please don't go." He was completely oblivious to the crashing sound as the maintenance crew removed the panel in front of them and it wasn't until Lucas physically touched him, that he realised anyone else was there.

xxxx

Making his way through med-bay Lucas dodged patients and nurses alike, until he reached the side room where Kristin was housed, he stood in the doorway watching the scene before him. Kristin was either asleep or unconscious, he couldn't tell which, with various tubes in her arm and up her nose. It was an awful sight and although he'd almost hated her for the past couple of years, as Bridger had, it hurt to see her that way.

Her head rolled restlessly on the pillow and it was then that he noted how flushed she was, and the perspiration on her forehead which had made her hair damp and lank. He was about to go in when he saw Bridger rise from his seat, grab a damp cloth and mop her brow, whispering to her in gentle tones as he used his hand to brush the strands lovingly back from her face. Somehow, he hadn't expected that… it was completely contrary to everything that had happened since she came on board. Feeling like an intruder he made a move to leave but the captain's voice stopped him.

"Is there something I can do for you, Ensign?"

"No Sir, I just thought you'd like to know that the rest of Dr. Westphalen's group are safely ashore."

"Thank you." He turned his attention back to the woman lying in the bed.

"Why didn't she go with the others?"

"Dr. Smith felt that she was too ill to move." He responded in a small voice, not at all like his own.

A pang of worry and guilt needled the young man. "Will she be okay?"

"Providing the fever breaks soon."

Kristin stirred again and Nathan immediately bent over her, stroking her cheek. "Shh… It's okay Kristin, everything's gonna be okay."

Just for a moment Captain Bridger seemed to be gone and the man Lucas knew and loved had taken his place. "You still love her, don't you Sir?" He asked, pushing his luck.

"I don't … Yes." He sighed sadly. "Until she was hurt, I hadn't realised how much."

"Have you told her?"

"No." He sat down again and Lucas moved cautiously into the room taking a seat on the other side of the bed.

"She doesn't deserve it, Sir… Not after walking out on us like that."

It was at that moment that Nathan realised Kristin had been right, the boy did blame her for everything going wrong. "Lucas, I think we should talk… There are a few things you should know, things I should have told you a long time ago…"

xxxx

Lucas stood outside the guest quarters trying to decide whether he should knock or not. He really did need someone to talk to… He couldn't say anything to his friends, he'd be embarrassed, he couldn't talk to Ford because the man might think him a coward, and Bridger… well he had enough problems. He'd thought of going to Wendy but that hadn't seemed right either - and anyway, she'd probably try to get into his head and he didn't need that - but how could he bother Kristin?

He'd treated her so badly in the past and hadn't spoken to her at all since she arrived on _seaQuest_. At first it had been because he was still angry with her but since the talk he'd had with Bridger nearly two weeks ago, he'd felt guilty. The captain had explained to him how wrong he'd been in just blaming Kristin for what had happened… that it took two to make an argument. Something he should have realised for himself if he'd stopped to think. No, he'd just have to deal with this himself, it wouldn't be fair to expect… The door opened and she stood in front of him, a surprised look on her face.

"Lucas?"

"Erm… er… Hello Doc."

"Is there something you wanted?" She asked cautiously.

He could feel his cheeks burning. "I came… I just…"

Kristin couldn't help but notice his discomfort. "It's been a long time… How are you?"

"I'm fine… I just wondered… I mean…" He stammered on.

They were garnering a lot of curious looks from passing crew members so she asked him inside. "Why don't you come in? We could do some catching up." She asked hopefully, not wanting to scare him off. "If you have the time, that is?"

He deliberated for a moment. "I'd like that."

"So would I." Stepping aside she let him pass and he sat himself down on the edge of her bunk.

"Doc, I…" "Lucas, I…" They both spoke together and then looked at each other and laughed.

"Well, this is going well," Kristin grinned. "Can I get you something to eat or drink?"

"You don't happen to have…"

She rummaged around in her bag, producing a chocolate bar and handing it to him before he finished his sentence.

"Yesssss… You're a lifesaver, Doc. I haven't had one of these in months!"

Kristin waited patiently whilst he demolished half of the treat.

"Doc…"

"Mmm..?"

"I'm sorry."

"That's okay." She sat down beside him and ruffled his hair just as she always used to.

"No it isn't! I was wrong to behave the way I did."

"You had good reason. It must have been hard for you being caught in the middle like that."

"It was like being with my parents again."

"I know and _I'm_ sorry for that."

They were silent again as he finished the candy bar and crumpled the wrapper, throwing it regretfully into the bin. "Mmm, I needed that." He paused for a moment. "Doc, would it be okay if I talked to you? I mean, I'd understand if you didn't want…"

"What's wrong Lucas?"

"I'm scared…" He blurted out before he could stop himself. "…Please don't tell anyone else. I don't want them to think that I'm… I'm…"

"A coward..?"

He nodded miserably and Kristin reached out to stroke his back in a gesture of comfort. "Are you too old for a hug?"

"Never…" His eyes began to tear up and he threw himself into her open arms.

"It's okay Lucas, just let it out. Let it all out."

Eventually his crying abated somewhat and he sat up straight again but still kept hold of her hand. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now, tell me…"

"At first I thought it would be an adventure, you know… like one of my computer games, but…"

"It isn't."

"No. It was alright at the start, I didn't even mind that we were having depth charges dropped on us, until…" He tailed off.

"Until..?" Kristin prompted.

"Until people started to die. People I worked with… My friends…" He sobbed again.

"That's what war is Lucas… killing someone's friends or family… killing your enemies."

"Yeah, but we're the good guys, right? We're not the ones who are supposed to get hurt."

"Don't you think that's how the other side feels too?"

"Yeah, I guess…"

"But it doesn't make it any easier."

"No, and now I'm scared all the time, scared that it's gonna be me next."

"We're all scared Lucas… We just survive as best we can."

"Even the Cap'..?"

"Him most of all I should think. Oh, maybe not for himself, but for his crew…"

"It must be hard."

"Yes." She whispered.

"But General Thomas, he isn't…"

"Of course he is, he's just too pig-headed to admit it, or too stupid to recognise it! He hides behind his 'death or glory' mentality."

"No!" Lucas shouted, startling her. "He's cold… He doesn't care about anyone, he proved that this morning."

"What happened this morning?" Kristin asked worriedly.

"You don't know?"

"No, I worked the nightshift. I was asleep."

"Chief Shan and Loni are dead." Lucas blurted out.

A look of horror appeared on Kristin's face. "What? How..?"

"We… we picked up a distress call and the Captain sent them out to investigate… It turned out to be nothing but on their way back they were attacked. It must have been a trick to lure us in. We could hear them on the radio… Will calling for help and then Loni screamed. There was an explosion, and… and… nothing."

"There's no hope?" Distress made her voice crack.

"The Captain wanted to go back, see if there were any survivors… but that bastard Thomas wouldn't let him. He said that there was no point. …That we couldn't risk the _seaQuest_ for two people who were probably dead already. "

"He was right, Lucas."

"What?" The young man looked appalled. "I thought you of all people…"

"It would have been too dangerous."

"You mean the UEO could have lost an expensive piece of equipment!" He spat out angrily.

"No, I mean they could have lost a lot of good people if it had been a trap." She paused for a second. "But I think you know that already, there's something else isn't there?"

He smiled a sad smile. "You always could see right through me, couldn't you? Doc… it should have been me."

"I don't understand."

"I was the one who was supposed to be in the launch with the Chief but something came up… a computer glitch that had to be fixed."

"So Loni went instead…" Kristin commented softly.

"Yes Doc, it's my fault she died."

Kristin grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him to face her. "No, no it isn't! Don't even think that! You didn't kill her, they did. You remember that and just be glad you're alive. You did nothing wrong… nothing!" There was a tap at the hatch interrupting them. "Come in." She couldn't hide her annoyance.

Tim O'Neill stuck his head round the door. "I'm sorry to disturb you… I was looking for the Captain."

"Isn't he on the bridge?" Lucas asked needlessly.

"No… if he was then I wouldn't be looking for him here, would I?"

Kristin tried to lighten the mood, bending over and checking under her bunk. "No, not here..."

The Communications' Officer gave her a half-smile. "Damn, I was hoping…"

"You really can't find him, can you?" Her mood had changed to one of concern.

"No Doctor, no one's seen him since… I'm sorry to have interrupted." He apologised again and quickly withdrew.

Lucas hastily pulled out his PAL and called Bridger but there was no reply. "I'm worried Doc, after Thomas refused permission for us to go back the captain just walked off the bridge but I thought he'd have cooled down by now."

"Lucas I…"

"It's okay Doc…" He stood up to leave. "I'll be all right now, thank you. You go and find him. If anyone can make him feel better you can."

"I thought Wendy would…"

"No Doc, you… It's always been you."

Kristin smiled and gave him another quick hug before he walked to the door, turning on his heel he smiled at her. "Thank you Kristin, you're one in a million and I really am sorry about before."

"It's all forgotten."

"Thanks." He shuffled his feet nervously. "Would it be okay if I came back again? To talk… you know."

"Any time…"

After he'd left she quickly disappeared into the bathroom to make herself presentable, before going in search of Nathan.

xxxx

Slowly and carefully Kristin picked her way to the boat's hydroponics section through the mass of debris in the corridor. She'd already checked his cabin and office but found them both empty. She'd even gone to the bridge but as she drew close to the doors she'd overheard some of the crew complaining about General Thomas and how he'd taken over. This was her last hope.

She entered quietly and looked around. In the dim glow of the emergency lighting, she could see the remains of planting containers shattered on the floor, along with their beleaguered contents. Bending down she picked up the head of a once-beautiful red rose, the waste tearing at her heart. Soon it would be dead, just as the young man and woman in the sea launch were dead.

"What are we doing here, Kris?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice and the hopelessness in it startled her. Laying the flower gently on the nearest work station, she made her way towards the sound, slipping through an almost hidden doorway, briefly wondering how he knew it was her. She could just make him out sitting in a swivel chair by a now-sealed observation port.

"What are we doing here, Kris?" He asked again.

"You're a sub Captain, I'm a doctor and we both work for the UEO. Where else would we be?"

Bridger sniggered derisively. "And Nathan and Kristin..?"

"What about them?"

"Why are they here… Or, are they here? Do they even exist anymore?"

She wasn't really sure how to answer that one. It had been so long since anyone had called her anything but 'Doctor' or 'Ma'am' or 'Sir'. She shuddered at the thought of that last one.

Nathan held out his hand and she took it without hesitation, moving forward and lowering herself onto his lap. "What happened to us, Kris?" His voice was barely above a whisper, as though grief had exhausted all his strength.

Kristin rested her head on his shoulder and it seemed the most natural thing in the world when his arm came up to encircle her waist. "We're still here."

"Are we? Captain Bridger and Doctor Westphalen are here… but Nathan and Kristin… You and I..?" He tailed off almost as though he wasn't really talking to her; it was as if the jumble of his thoughts were making themselves heard.

"Nathan, we talked all this out two years ago and we decided that…"

"Talked, yes… but did we listen?"

"I don't understand."

"We talked. We yelled. You said what you wanted. I said what I wanted. And we both did it… alone. But what about _us_ , Kristin..? Is this really what _we_ wanted?" He waited for her to reply but she didn't. "Can you honestly say that you're happy at the way things turned out?"

"I…"

"Not you, the scientist and doctor…" He clarified, "You… the woman."

She took a breath to try to stop the tears that were starting to form but again he didn't give her the chance to reply.

"I'm not…" He confessed; his voice even quieter. "I thought I would be… I thought this was everything I wanted… or needed…" He glanced around him at the devastation and let out a mocking laugh at the irony of it all. "Are _you_ happy? Honestly happy? If you are then at least something good has come out of the past two years. Are you, Baby?"

She thought about lying to him, if only to ease his hurt, but she couldn't. There was no room for lies. Not here… not now… "No." She admitted softly.

His grip on her tightened, "I'm sorry, Baby. I'm so sorry…"

"It wasn't all, your fault Nathan, we both played our parts… I've thought about it a lot lately. Maybe we got it wrong from the start… The whirlwind romance… The idyllic wedding… We got caught up in the enthusiasm of well-meaning friends and forgot about us. We should have taken the time to get to know each other, learned how to be together…"

Nathan sighed, "It's a pity we didn't have this discussion two years ago."

"Would either of us have actually stopped talking long enough to hear what the other had to say?"

He gave her the first genuine smile she'd seen from him since she'd come on board. "Probably not…"

Kristin returned the smile and settled herself more comfortably against his shoulder as Nathan leaned back and closed his eyes.

"God, I'm tired."

xxxx

He woke sometime later, opening his eyes to a sight he'd never thought to see again… Kristin's sleeping face. His breath caught at the beauty of the woman in his arms and his own tears, long-suppressed, resurfaced when he thought about what they could have had together.

Gently, he ran the backs of his fingers over the soft skin of her cheek and across her lips, his body quivering with pleasure as she opened her eyes and kissed the tips softly. She smiled up at him… "Hi."

"Hi." He smiled back and his love for her, long-hidden, was now evident in his eyes. Eyes, which held her mesmerised...

 _How could they have been so stupid? How could they not have seen?_

As if reading her thoughts, he whispered, "You were right, you know. Pride is a curse."

"Mmm… hmm…"

He bent forward as if he were going to kiss her and her eyes closed in anticipation. She could feel his warm breath caressing her face as his hand slid behind her head and tangled in her hair… The sound of klaxons signalling a ship-wide alert had them springing apart, Kristin scrambled from his lap to allow him to stand.

"I should be on the bridge."

Smoothing down her jumpsuit in an attempt to calm herself, she said, "And I should go and volunteer my services in med-bay… With your permission, that is…" She added respectfully.

"Of course, I'm sure Doctor Smith would welcome the help."

Kristin snorted and started to leave but Nathan's hand on her shoulder stopped her. "Kristin…"

Without turning she laid her hand on his. "I'll see you later… If and when…"

He squeezed her shoulder. "Later."

"Captain Bridger to the bridge" O'Neill's voice echoed around the room.

Stroking the back of his hand, Kristin said a final 'Yes' before quickly going through the doorway. The ship shook again.

"Assuming there is a later…" Nathan whispered to himself and followed her out.

On the bridge chaos reigned. Cables hung loose from the ceiling and swung wildly as the submarine rocked under the onslaught of yet another attack, sparks flying from damaged consoles and the lights dipping then plunging the crew into darkness, before springing to life again. The greener, more nervous, ensigns being supported by the equally nervous bridge veterans.

As the battle raged outside another, a war of words, raged inside. Bridger bellowed orders to his officers only to hear them constantly countermanded by the General, creating an air of complete confusion. Unable to stand it any longer Nathan pulled Thomas aside and made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that he was in command of the _seaQuest_ and its crew and that if the general persisted he'd have him removed from the bridge. Thomas subsided angrily to the side-lines, his rage barely contained as he planned in his mind the little talk he was going to have with the captain when this was over.

The internal communications system crackled to life and Wendy's panic-filled voice echoed round the room. "Bridge, this is med-bay. Captain Bridger, can you hear me?"

"This is Bridger, what is it Doctor?"

"We're taking casualties faster than we can deal with them. We need help down here."

"I'm sorry Doctor; I can't spare anyone at the moment."

"Then what am I supposed to do? We…" More explosions rocked the submarine and another voice joined the conversation…

"Doctor Smith, we've got a leak. Water's pouring in, what do we do?"

"How the hell should I know? Dammit Captain, we need help now!"

Nathan felt his gut tighten. Smith was panicking, which meant all those around her would panic, but there was just no one to send. He resorted to military training. "Doctor we're under attack and we need all hands at their stations, I'm sorry but you'll have to manage on your own. The outer skin will reseal itself and in the meantime…"

"It's okay Nathan, we'll manage." Bridger felt himself physically relax as he heard Kristin's calm voice, knowing that no matter what, he could rely on her. "You and you… move those people over to the other side of the room and away from the water. Nurse… I'm sorry; I don't know your name…" A pause... "Oh, okay… Nurse Williams… Start lining the walking wounded up along the corridor, we'll go to them. Wendy, why don't you do that? Take three nurses with you and I'll concentrate on the more seriously injured with Doctor Latimer. Nathan, are you still there?"

"I'm here."

"Sorry about that, it got a little scary down here for a while but everything's under control now. You just concentrate on getting us out of this mess."

"Will do… Thanks Kris."

"And Sailor…"

"Yeah..?"

"Be careful."

"You, too…"

The link was broken and Thomas was immediately on his feet again. "Just what is going on here?"

"I'd have thought that was obvious." Bridger replied dryly.

"Why is she taking charge down there, she's not a part of this crew! And what does she mean by telling you what to do!"

Nathan's already overstretched patience finally snapped. "For God's sake Frank, will you just shut the hell up! In case you haven't noticed we need all the help that we can get."

"But Doctor Smith is…"

"Doctor Smith is obviously under a lot of pressure and Kristin is…"

"And that's another thing, that woman has no respect for authority. You should have corrected her when she called you by your first name. Military courtesy alone demands…"

"As you've just pointed out, Doctor Westphalen is NOT a part of this crew, she's a civilian helping out in a time of crisis and she's my wife. She can call me anything she damn well likes."

"And usually did." Lucas quipped a little too loudly, garnering a chorus of snickers and giggles from the rest of the bridge crew and earning himself a look from Bridger that would wither even the hardiest of foes.

Thomas had turned a very deep shade of scarlet. "We'll discuss this later, Captain!" He shouted as he stormed off the bridge.

"Well, you certainly told him." Ford whispered in his ear.

"Yeah and somehow I think I'm gonna regret it later." He shook his head bemusedly.

"Captain, I think there's another sub down here." Brody reported.

"Don't think dammit, be sure!"

He was silent for a moment, rechecking his gear. "Yes Sir, we definitely have company."

"What class, Lieutenant?"

"It's a Delta-4. Not capable of great depth but it is fast and highly manoeuvrable."

"As we found out when we tangled with Marilyn Stark..." Ford added.

"Don't remind me." Lucas muttered.

"Increase speed. All ahead flank… Right full rudder…" Bridger ordered after checking his screen.

"Torpedo in the water… bearing 315."

"Steer right… bearing 315."

"But Sir, that's heading into the torpedo!" Brody argued.

"Just do it!"

"5,000 yards..."

"More speed." Bridger commanded.

"3,000 yards…" Brody's voice was getting more strained.

"Captain…?" Ford asked but was ignored.

"900 yards…"

"Time to impact, 20 seconds…" The atmosphere was tense.

"Impact in 10 seconds…"

"9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3…" The crew braced themselves, some muttering a silent prayer.

"2, 1..." The seaQuest rocked as the torpedo hit them but didn't go off, creating minimal damage.

"I'll be damned." "What happened?"

The Weapons' Officer answered the question for them. "By turning into the torpedo the Captain closed the distance before it could arm itself."

"Well, it may not have blown us out of the water but it scared the crap out of me!" Perry exclaimed.

"Me too…" A voice concurred.

"Me three…"

"When you've quite finished gentlemen and lady, we have a sub to find." Bridger stated loudly.

"Aye, Sir." "Sorry Sir."

The game of cat and mouse went on for several more hours and all the bridge crew were tired, both physically and mentally. Nerves frayed to the limit.

"Sir, we have a lock."

Bridger stood up straight and stared directly ahead. "Fire…!"

Two torpedoes slammed into the enemy craft exploding it into a hundred pieces and a loud cheer resounded around the bridge.

"Shockwave…!"

"Brace for impact!" Bridger ordered.

They all grabbed for the nearest handhold, nevertheless some, including O'Neill and Lucas were thrown to the floor as were the captain and the X-O.

Nathan scraped himself off the deck. "Everyone, okay?" There was a chorus of grousing and a couple of moans. "Anything broken…?"

"My arm, I think Sir." One young ensign replied.

"My wrist…" intoned another voice.

"Well maybe next time when I tell you to 'brace for impact', you'll grab something more solid. Get yourselves down to med-bay. Wolenczak, Perry… help those who need it."

"Aye, Sir." "Yes Sir" "Maybe you should have done the same Cap'." Everyone laughed.

Bridger's PAL bleeped and he tipped it to see the display. "Not now…" He muttered under his breath, choosing to ignore it. "O'Neill, put me through to med-bay."

"Med-bay…" Wendy responded.

"Is everything alright down there?"

"Yes Captain, thank you. What about on the bridge?"

"There are a few broken bones on their way to you." He looked around him. "And there are some cuts and bruises here that need attention."

"Including yours…" Ford put in.

Bridger reached up and touched his forehead, feeling the blood there. "You'd better send someone."

"I'll come myself."

"No." Bridger interjected a little too quickly then hastily added, "I'd rather you tended to the more seriously injured, send Dr. Westphalen." He knew that he should have asked for Latimer but he needed to see for himself that Kristin was okay.

"Yes Sir." The link was broken.

"She didn't sound too happy." Ford smiled.

"I know I'll sort it out later." His PAL sounded again.

"And neither does he"

"I'll sort that out later too." Nathan sighed.

After a few minutes the clam-doors opened and a medical team entered. Bridger turned expectantly only to find two nurses and an harassed looking John Latimer. His heart plummeted to his toes, but he knew that he couldn't react, not in front of his crew. When all the other injured had been seen to he called the medic over.

"Doctor, if you would please."

Latimer looked apologetic. "Sorry Captain, I hadn't realised you were hurt, otherwise…"

"That's alright." He leaned against the command console and allowed himself to be treated. "How are things in med-bay?"

"It was a little chaotic for a while." He confirmed softly. "…But, Dr. Westphalen is an amazing woman… She managed to restore order almost immediately, although I'm afraid our Dr. Smith was rather put out by the whole thing. You should have seen the speed that she rearranged everything to her liking when Dr. Westphalen was hurt."

Nathan grabbed the man's arm and he flinched with pain. "My wife was hurt?" He asked deliberately.

"Your… oh Lord, I didn't know…"

"Well, you must be the only one on this boat that didn't. What happened to her? Is she alright?"

"She's fine, Captain." He reassured him as he wriggled free of the vice-like grip before his circulation was cut off altogether. "The doctor was helping a patient when the shockwave hit and she didn't have time to hold on. She was knocked out for a few minutes that's all."

"Thank God. Alright, you can go." He brushed the man off as he tried to check for any further injury. Latimer had always annoyed him. He was coming up to retirement and tended not to do any more work than he had to. Half the time he didn't even seem to know what planet he was on.

"Very well, Sir." Collecting up his gear he made his way off the bridge, muttering to himself. "I can't believe I didn't know she was the captain's wife. Why the hell doesn't she just call herself Bridger instead of Westphalen? Make life so much easier!"

Ford was grinning from ear to ear when he approached his commanding officer. "What on Earth did you do to him?"

Nathan looked up and smiled… A smile which turned into a scowl as his PAL went off for a third time.

"Uh-oh…" Jonathan sympathised.

"Yeah, I guess I'd better go face the music. O'Neill, contact the general and tell him I'll be in the wardroom in twenty minutes."

"Aye, Sir."

"Commander, you have the bridge. Arrange the next watch as you wish."

"Yes Captain… and good luck."

xxxx

Forty-five minutes! The damn man had managed to rant on for forty-five minutes! Wearily, he made his way along the corridor to the guest quarters, tapping on the hatch before letting himself in. This part of the sub had taken far less damage than the other side and was reasonably intact. The only light in the room came from a few scattered candles and the sensual scent of jasmine haunted the air – her scent. He stood mesmerised as the light danced against the bulkhead, making the room seem almost ethereal. It was as though he'd stepped into another world, one free from conflict and worry.

Kristin appeared from the bathroom clothed in a silky robe, her hair still damp and somewhat curly from the shower. Time seemed to stand still as they studied each other warily from a distance, each trying to gauge what the other expected… wanted.

Nathan's arms rose of their own volition, almost begging her to come to him… and she did, crossing the room swiftly and snuggling into his embrace. Her own arms slid around him, her hands flat against his back, pulling him even closer, if that were possible.

He hugged her tightly, resting his head on her shoulder as she laid her cheek against his chest and there they stood as first seconds, then minutes ticked by, each taking what they needed from the other. Nathan drawing strength and solace as Kristin took his warmth, making it her own. The coldness that she'd felt inside for so long, gradually thawing to be replaced by a tenuous flame. And he felt it too, as emotions long-suppressed began to surface and overwhelm him until he was forced to act on them or drown.

Raising his head, his lips sought hers out, capturing them in a passionate kiss; a kiss which deepened as she responded, leaving them both breathless. Scooping her up he carried her to the bed, laying her gently down on it before untying the belt of her robe and opening it to find her naked underneath. He paused for a moment, studying her body in the soft light, remembering every familiar curve and freckle and taking in the new… her side, still covered with a bandage and tape. A pang of fear shot through him as he realised how close he'd come to losing her before they could… Before he could…

His gaze shifted to look at her face, her eyes… scanning for any signs of rejection or doubt, but there were none. She raised her arm, her hand slipping behind his head and pulling him down, their lips meeting again and again. He could feel her fingers as they deftly undid the zipper of his tunic, her hand sliding inside to caress bare skin, burning wherever she touched, until he could stand it no longer. He tore himself away for a few seconds to remove his clothes, already missing her closeness. Then they were together again, nothing between them; hands and lips everywhere as they tried desperately to crawl into each other's skins. When their bodies joined after so long apart it was almost too much and he had to pause, breathing heavily to calm himself lest it all be over in a few seconds. Again and again they came together, loving the night away until finally exhausted they fell into a sated sleep. A stolen night, in the safety and refuge of each other's arms…

Despite the fact that they had been startled out of sleep by the alert klaxons, Nathan felt more at peace with himself than he had in a very long time. They dressed quickly and then went their separate ways with just a look, and a touch, which spoke volumes.

The loving scene was witnessed by someone else. Someone who was not so happy…

When the alert had sounded Thomas had gone directly to Bridger's cabin but found it empty. Angrily, he'd made his way to the guest section, praying that he was wrong, but knowing inside that he wasn't. What he'd just seen made him even more determined to find a way to remove Kristin Westphalen from the boat. The UEO didn't need this… **He** didn't need this. He needed the precise military mind that Nathan Bridger personified, not a Captain distracted by his feelings for a woman, especially that woman. No, she had to go… and soon.

The opportunity arose to get rid of her even quicker than he could have hoped…

xxxx

Since the last skirmish things had been relatively quiet in their sector, giving them a little over two days of much needed rest… Time to make repairs and just to relax. With little else to occupy them, the rumour mill was back in full swing and most of the talk concerned the Captain and a certain Doctor… How much of their off-duty time they spent together; how they'd been spotted swimming and playing with Darwin in the moonpool, and just how many times they'd been seen sneaking out of each other's cabins.

Most were happy for him, but there were a few that definitely were not. Lucas had had misgivings at first but once he had seen for himself, even heard the Captain laugh for the first time in… forever, he'd quickly come around. Wendy just seethed and scowled at Westphalen whenever their paths crossed and Thomas positively fumed.

Kristin and Lucas were together on seadeck when a distress call came in from an island almost one hundred miles away. It was very close to enemy territory but fighting valiantly against being overrun. They were desperate for supplies, both medical and military. _seaQuest_ made its way there with all speed, supplying them with everything they could spare and a medical team. Bridger went to meet with the President and Thomas insisted on accompanying him.

Wendy and Kristin worked their way steadily through the casualties, sending the more serious back to the sub, while others were tended on the spot. In all, it had taken them over twelve hours to re-supply and care for the islanders.

Nathan made his way across the beach to Kristin as she packed up the last of the medical kits. "You look tired."

"I am a little," she agreed. "Nothing that dinner, a shower and a good massage wouldn't cure though."

Bridger smiled. "I think I can arrange that. What order would madam..?"

"Captain Bridger." Thomas' voice interrupted them.

"General." He tried to hide his annoyance but failed miserably.

"I've been talking to the ruling council and we've agreed that it would be in these peoples' best interest if we left a military presence on the island to help with their defences."

"Seems reasonable." Bridger agreed.

"I'll be contacting the UEO when we return to _seaQuest_. It's also been decided that we should leave a small medical contingent. It's sorely needed."

Bridger didn't like the direction this was taking. "It's far too dangerous General; this island could be overrun at any time."

"All the more reason," Thomas continued. "They'll be much more able to defend themselves if their wounds are properly taken care of. Doctor Westphalen, you'll head up the team, along with a half-dozen of seaQuest's best nurses."

"Dammit Frank, you can't do that!" Bridger exploded.

"I can and I will. I've already given my word to the President."

"Why Kristin..? Why not Smith or Latimer..?"

"Both would be good choices of course, but Smith is your CMO and needed on the boat. Latimer has absolutely no command experience. Doctor Westphalen is the obvious choice."

"No, I won't allow it. Doctor Westphalen stays…"

Help for Thomas came from an unexpected quarter. "He's right Nathan," Kristin whispered. "I'm not part of the crew and I have no current assignment, but I'm still a member of the UEO and a doctor."

"Damn it Kristin, no… It's too dangerous… It's…"

"The decision is made Captain, now I think you and I should return to the _seaQuest_. Doctor, we'll send you the extra supplies you're going to need along with your belongings." He turned and headed towards the remaining launch, the hint of a smirk on his lips.

Nathan turned to his wife. "I can't leave you here, Kris. I can't…"

Reaching out she gently stroked his arm. "You have no choice. Thomas will make your life hell if you don't. He'll probably have you court-martialled.

"I don't care about that. I care about you."

"And what about your crew..? Are you willing to leave them under his command? He'll get them all killed, you know that. Death or glory… that's all he understands."

"Kristin…" His voice shook as he spoke. "I can't just leave. If anything happens to you… I don't know if I could survive it, not now."

"You must." The sight of her eyes bright with unshed tears brought the same response from his own and he pulled her to him.

"I'll come back for you, Baby. No matter what, I'll come back for you. I promise."

She could feel dampness on her cheeks but didn't know if they were her tears falling or his. When she pulled away slightly to look at him, she knew it was a combination of both. "I'll be waiting."

"I won't let you down, not this time, I love you Kristin. I love you very, very much. I'm just sorry that…"

She silenced him with a brush of her lips. "I love you. Look after yourself, Sailor."

He pulled her closer again, his arms almost crushing her as he kissed her desperately. "You too..."

Knowing that if he looked into her eyes he wouldn't be able to leave he turned away, squeezing her hand briefly and holding onto it until just their fingertips touched, before he almost ran up the beach to the launch. He turned once to look at her standing alone, her hands clasped protectively around herself.

"I'll come back…" He called again and then stepped inside the waiting craft.

Kristin watched as it disappeared under the waves, her legs giving way under her as she sank to the sand.

xxxx

End of Part One


	2. A Hard Rain

**Author's Note:** Thank you to those of you who took the time to review and a 'hi!' to H. I'll pm 'darkaccalia520' later. Well here's part 2. Took a while longer than anticipated but I decided it needed a bit of a re-write. Enjoy!

xxxxxx

A Hard Rain

By

Maggie M.

xxxxxx 

Nathan lay down on his bunk snatching the first few minutes' rest he'd had that day. They'd gone to the bottom to make more repairs and his X-O had suggested that he try to sleep. He couldn't believe the boat was still holding together. They badly needed some downtime, a visit to homeport for a complete overhaul, and some r'n'r for the crew, but he couldn't see that happening any time soon. There were definite drawbacks to being the captain of a submarine that hardly ever needed to surface. He smiled to himself… Well, he'd designed it that way – it served him right. His thoughts inevitably strayed to Kristin…

It had been six months since he'd last seen her... six months to the day. He was thankful now that he'd taken the time to write the letter. The one he'd slipped into her bag before it went onto the launch with the rest of the supplies, he only hoped she'd found it. He tortured himself nightly about that. What if she hadn't, or worse, she'd thrown it away without reading it? No… no… she wouldn't do that. She had to have some feelings for him, after all she'd kept his photograph and she'd said she loved him. And he couldn't have imagined the passion in their lovemaking, unless it had just been for old times' sake.

He'd poured his heart and soul into that letter but she'd never replied – not one word. He hoped and prayed that it was because the mail was being held up on his end. After all, he'd learned via Frank Thomas that she'd been reassigned to Honolulu, so she was out of harm's way.

xxxx

The fighting had tailed off over the past month as the UEO and her allies gradually gained the upper hand and that had made it more difficult for him. Whilst he'd been busy looking after the boat and crew he hadn't had time to dwell on why he hadn't heard from her, but now…

The other officers had heard from their family and loved ones but he hadn't had anything apart from the odd note from Janet Noyce. He'd scoured her letters for mention of Kristin, but nothing. He told himself that that had to be expected… after all no one knew they were even considering getting back together, but that didn't stop the hurt.

In an effort to keep his mind occupied he'd taken to helping the repair crews with their work. At the moment he was precariously balanced on top of a supply cupboard above one of the many stairwells rewiring a lighting circuit. The alert klaxons startled him and he quickly tried to make good his repair before going to the bridge but an explosion outside sent the sub reeling and he could feel himself falling. Futilely he groped around for something to anchor himself to but only found thin air. He toppled from his perch and towards the open well, making a vain attempt to grab the rail and missing. He cried out as he hit one of the metal steps, feeling an excruciating pain in his back then slid feet-first to the bottom, finally losing consciousness as he hit the deck.

xxxx

Ceilings… If he never saw another ceiling it would be too soon, they had to be one of the most boring canvasses ever created. Stars… give him stars and clouds, any time. No more ceilings, he vowed to himself and then laughed at his stupidity.

"Nathan?"

He turned his head slightly on the pillow. "Wendy." He'd become accustomed to seeing her at his bedside each day and even looked forward to it.

"Are you in pain?"

"No more than usual."

"I'll get you something." She rubbed his shoulder sympathetically.

"Thanks." He turned his gaze upward again, closing his eyes but still seeing the spidery pattern of the paint on the inside of his lids.

xxxx

"I hear you're being sprung today." The white-coated medic smiled at Bridger as he finished reading the notes in his hand.

"About time... Two months in one hospital and four-and-a-half in another would try the patience of a saint."

"And you, Captain Bridger, are no saint."

"Yeah I know." He tried to sound contrite. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be. I'm still amazed that you'll be walking out of here on your own two feet."

"I told you I would."

"She must be quite a woman."

"She is… And I have a promise to keep." There was a scowl on his face which didn't quite match his words. "Any last minute instructions for me to ignore..?"

"Nathan, I know you're in a rush but remember, you did fracture your spine, you'll need to take things slowly at first. I've written you a prescription for some strong painkillers and you're to do no heavy lifting or strenuous exercise for the next month. You're still under my care and you won't be able to go flying off until I say so. Understood?"

"Don't worry Dan I'll make sure he doesn't." Wendy Smith's voice sounded from behind them. "…Ready to go, Sailor?" She felt him flinch just as he always did when she addressed him that way. "Sorry."

"That's okay."

She knew it wasn't, she did it deliberately using his reaction as a yardstick to see how much of a threat Kristin Westphalen remained and she didn't like the intensity of feeling he still had for the woman. Although since he'd been in the hospital, it had turned from concern to anger, he still thought about her far too much.

xxxx

Returning for his scheduled appointment, Nathan was pleased that he'd managed to get through all the medic's tests without flinching… Okay, so the last one had caught him out, but what the hell…

"Okay Nathan, I'm suitably impressed, but…"

His good spirits plummeted.

"You still have a way to go, I'm sure you know that."

He nodded reluctantly.

"I'll prescribe you some more painkillers and you have my permission to resume very light duties." Nathan got up to leave. "And I want you back here in six weeks, or sooner, if you have any problems."

"Aye-aye, Sir." Bridger grinned.

"Will you get the hell out of here? Go celebrate or something."

"Thanks, I think I'll do just that." He walked out of the office and into the waiting room where Wendy sat impatiently.

"Well?"

"Free as a bird." He raised his arms as though they were wings and flapped them.

"Nathan." The woman admonished.

"Well, for six weeks anyway… and I'm under doctor's orders to celebrate. Where would you like to go?"

She pondered for a moment. "How about my place..? Dinner, a little dancing, a little…" She left the sentence hanging.

"You don't have a place," Bridger countered. "You have a hotel suite."

"Which means I don't have to cook… for which, you'll be eternally grateful no doubt. I'm a terrible cook."

"So was…" He cut himself off, not wanting to go there. There was no way he was going to let _her_ spoil his day. He offered Wendy his arm. "Shall we?"

"We shall." She slipped her arm through his and they walked cheerfully to the door.

xxxx

Nathan dabbed his lips with his napkin. "That was delicious."

"More wine?"

"I'm not sure I should."

"Oh come on Nathan, it's not as though you're going to be driving anywhere." She pointed to the two empty bottles for proof of her statement. He shrugged and held out his glass for a refill. Wendy walked to the music centre and pressed a button. "Now, I believe you promised me a dance."

"I believe I did." He held out his open arms and she moved into them.

"This is nice."

"Yes… yes it is…" He pulled her closer. "It's been a long time."

"For both of us…"

"Mmm…"

Her hands slid up his back as she laid her cheek against his chest and Nathan responded by resting his on her hair, willing himself to just go with the feeling.

Wendy had been a wonderful companion over the last months, always ready when he needed help… even reading to him to stave off the boredom. She'd insisted that she was just doing her job but to him it had been more than that, much more. And, as they'd talked and he'd found out more about her, their friendship had deepened and grown. He didn't love her, well not deeply or passionately, but he cared for her a great deal and he knew she loved him… Perhaps that would be enough to build a new life on..? He was determined to give it a damn good try, anyway.

Sensing his thoughts Wendy looked up and smiled, her eyes hungry and inviting, and he melted, need and loneliness getting the better of him. Lowering his head he kissed her, gently at first, and then with growing fervour. She pulled away slowly. "Give me a few minutes."

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak lest he broke the mood. He wanted her… For the first time he wanted someone other than…

"Nathan…" She could read him like a book, knew all his doubts and fears.

He walked into the bedroom, now lit with candles, the music from the other room still audible. Wendy stood before him, dressed only in lacy black underwear, which left very little to the imagination and his body reacted in the same way as that of any full-blooded male. Closing the distance between them he took her into his arms and held her tightly, his lips tracing a path down her throat and along her shoulder as she began to undress him all the way down to his boxers. They fell onto the bed as he continued to caress her body, her hands softly stroking his back, his legs, his…

"Kristin…" He gasped breathlessly.

Smith bolted upright as though she'd been stung and Nathan stared at her in confusion. "Wendy, what's wrong..?"

"Nice of you to remember my name," she spat out.

"Sorry?" His brain was having trouble switching from one emotion to another. "Of course I know your name."

"Then why the hell did you just call me Kristin?" She hissed out the last word.

"I didn't… I… I… I did." He sat up, raising his knees and resting his forehead on them. "God Wendy, I'm so sorry." His desire had evaporated to be replaced by remorse and guilt.

"You're sorry? Think how I feel…" She got up and grabbed her robe, slipping her arms into it and tying the belt tightly around her waist.

"I don't know what to say." Bridger whispered.

"Why, Nathan? Were you thinking about her all the time we were… we were… dancing?"

"You know I wasn't. It was a mistake, a stupid mistake. Haven't you ever called someone by the wrong name?"

"No! Well, maybe once…" She almost smiled.

"I am sorry, Wendy. I wouldn't have hurt you for the world. It's just that when you've been with someone… loved someone the way…" He shut up realising he was just making matters worse.

"Does that mean that the first time with Kristin," she almost choked on the name. "You called her Carol?"

Nathan knew he was in trouble, he thought about lying but she would read it in his thoughts anyway. "No… I never called her Carol." He admitted honestly. A memory of himself and Kristin in bed together sprang unbidden into his mind. She was nothing like Carol, he thought. She was much more… Realising that she could probably see what he was thinking, he blocked the vision regretfully but when he looked at her he knew it was too late. Could see the hurt in her eyes… "Wendy, I…"

"Since your back is still bad you can sleep in here tonight, I'll use the couch." She made her way to the door, slamming it behind her and leaving Nathan staring in her wake.

After a few minutes he fell back against the pillow, throwing his forearm over his eyes. "God Kristin, what have you done to me?"

xxxx

His revelation the next morning did nothing to heal the rift between them…

"Wendy, I have to… can't you see that? If I don't find out what happened, why she never got in touch, I'll never be free."

"No Nathan, I don't see! I don't understand why you feel you have to go chasing after her. If she loved you at all she would have come to see you in the hospital!"

"Perhaps she didn't know where to find me." He offered lamely.

Wendy shook her head in disbelief. "She only had to ask."

Nathan knew that to be true, but while there was still a niggling doubt in his mind he had to pursue it. He turned to the woman and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Thank you for everything you've done for me, I am grateful. And I'm really sorry."

Grateful… the word tore at her soul. She wanted to rail at him. Tell him that he wasn't fit enough to go chasing all over the globe. She even thought about calling Dan but, in the end, she knew nothing she said or did would make any difference. He was one of the most stubborn men she'd ever known. "Where will you start?" She asked resignedly.

"With Bill, take care of yourself Wendy." He carefully lifted his bag onto his shoulder and made his way to the door. As soon as it closed behind him, Wendy Smith picked up the nearest vase and hurled it, watching as it shattered into a million pieces.

"Damn you Kristin Westphalen! Damn you to hell!"

xxxx

"Nathan!" The Secretary-General of the UEO rose from his chair and hurried over to greet his friend remembering at the last moment not to slap him on the back as he usually did. "It's good to see you up and around."

"It's good to see you too, Bill. How's Janet?"

"She's fine. Would you like a drink?"

"I'd love one." He grimaced as he sat down.

"Is it bad, old friend?" Bill asked with concern.

"Comes and goes." He took the glass Noyce offered him. "Thanks."

"So… how's Wendy?" The older man asked as he returned to his seat.

Nathan pulled a face. "She's fine too."

"Your very own Florence Nightingale."

"More like Mother Hen… No… no… that's not fair, she's been great."

"But… I sense a 'but' in there."

"She's not… Never mind," He shook his head to clear it. "Bill, I need your help."

"Anything my friend, you know that."

"I have to find Kristin."

Bill couldn't hide his surprise. "I thought that was over?"

"It was… and then it wasn't. I don't know... I just want to get everything sorted out once and for all. Is she still in Honolulu?"

The Secretary-General looked confused. "Honolulu?"

"Yes. I was told she was reassigned there."

"I'm not sure that I understand. Kristin _was_ scheduled to go to Hawaii but she never showed up. I thought you knew where she was."

"The last time I saw her was almost two years ago when we left her on Line Island."

"You left her… Hell Nathan, I knew you were having problems with her being on the boat, but stranding her on a desert island was a bit excessive wasn't it?" He laughed.

Nathan wasn't amused. "Look humour me will you Bill, don't forget I've been flat on my back and completely out of touch for months."

"Sorry, old friend." Bill looked suitably embarrassed. "The last we heard, _seaQuest_ had picked up Dr. Westphalen and her people from Macronesia. We were told that Kristin had been injured and would be staying on the sub until she was well enough to take up her post in Honolulu, then nothing…"

"But Frank told me…"

"Frank Thomas?" He interrupted. "You know he's under investigation, don't you? Rumour has it he assaulted some of his own men when they wouldn't obey an order even though it would have been a suicide mission."

"Dear God! I knew he was living on the edge, but…"

"Seems he toppled over that edge…" Noyce commented.

"He told me that he was going to request a UEO Force for the island and he assigned Kristin to head up a medical team, said he'd cleared it with you."

Bill leaned over and punched a few keys on his computer bringing up the relevant files. "No. No request came through here."

"It must have."

"Did you say he left a group of medical people?"

"Yes. Six of _seaQuest's_ nurses and Kristin..."

"I don't suppose you can remember their names?"

"No, but give me a half-hour and the use of a cell-phone and I can find out."

"You've got it." He glanced at his monitor screen again. "You did know that both Main and Line Island and their Dependencies were occupied three days after _seaQuest_ left, didn't you?"

Bridger's eyes closed and he gritted his teeth as he started to put everything together. "No… No I didn't. Thomas had us on radio silence. Where is he now?"

"Nathan, it won't do any good to confront him."

"Maybe not, but it'll make me feel a whole lot better."

"And what about your back… How are you going to be able to find Kristin, if you cripple yourself?"

Bridger swore. "Good point." He sighed. "I'll be back."

xxxx

True to his word, Nathan was back in Bill's office within thirty minutes…

"What are you going to do?" The older man asked worriedly.

"Go out there; see if I can find out what happened to her."

"Forgive me for asking but why this sudden concern for her welfare?"

Nathan smiled sadly, "Because the moment I saw her again, I knew I'd made a terrible mistake in letting her go."

"But she was the one who left. It was Kristin who took the overseas assignment when it came up."

"Yeah, but it was something she had always wanted to do and I shouldn't have tried to stop her."

"It was for three months, and you'd both agreed…"

"I know, but I _was_ still working all the hours God sent on the new _seaQuest,_ Bill, and I'm the one who let you talk me into taking her out for the shakedown cruise when I promised I wouldn't."

"That was only for two weeks. How could she object to that?"

"She didn't." He sighed. "But when she told me about the overseas assignment I was angry and I immediately signed on for the third tour out of spite. It all seems so petty now. Anyhow, it wasn't what we did that was the problem; it was what we didn't do."

"I don't understand."

"We never talked. We never discussed what _we_ wanted; we just made up our minds separately and expected the other to agree. It became a matter of principle and pride in the end and neither of us would back down, no matter what the cost."

"What changed?"

"She got hurt. She almost died in my arms Bill… do you have any idea how that feels?"

"No old friend, I don't."

"And I pray that you never have to find out. It puts everything into perspective… Shows you what's really important. I lost Carol but, for whatever reason, I was given a second chance with Kristin and if there's any hope at all... I love her Bill, I've always loved her. I was just too blind to see it."

"And does she feel the same?"

"That's what I have to find out."

"Very well old friend, I'll make sure you get all the necessary passes and travel permits and, in the meantime, I'll see what I can find out about these people." He waved the list of names Nathan had given him in the air.

"Thank you." Getting up, he took Bill's hand for a moment before walking to the door and opening it.

"And Nathan…"

"Yes?"

"Good luck. I hope you find her, really I do. If there's anything else you need…"

"I'll ask. Goodbye Bill and thank you. Give my love to Janet."

xxxx

He was dog-tired and his back hurt like hell. All the travelling between islands was taking more of a toll on him than he was prepared to admit, that and the many disappointments.

He sat in a small bar, once again on Main Island, and surveyed the outside world. The damaged buildings and pot-holed roads, the work and demolition crews… It was in stark contrast to the Dependencies he'd been visiting. The people there lived the traditional life of their ancestors. There was no electricity, no bars, not even any towns… just villages joined by dirt tracks and run by an Elder from each settlement who reported to the Governor here. A totally different lifestyle, free of technology… It was no surprise that they had been overrun as quickly as they had, there were very few defences. He stretched slightly and grimaced.

"Captain Bridger."

Looking up he saw the smartly dressed young man who had been helping him since he'd arrived almost a month ago.

"Sir, we have another lead."

After a dozen or so dead ends it was hard for him to summon any enthusiasm, in fact he'd been considering giving up and going home.

"Sir..?"

Bridger sighed, "Where?"

"On one of the outer islands Captain, it's a long journey by boat and it can get quite rough, maybe we should…"

"I've come this far, John, I might as well follow it through, but if it's another waste of time I think I'll go home."

"Yes Sir." The defeat and pain etched into the older man's features prompted him to add, "We'll keep looking though and if we hear anything definite we'll be in contact."

"I'd appreciate that. Now, how do I get to this island?"

xxxx

The man hadn't been exaggerating… Being a sailor he was used to rough seas and they didn't usually bother him, but every time they'd hit a wave it had jarred his spine until he was in constant pain, despite the painkillers he'd been taking. By the time he reached his destination he'd made up his mind that this would definitely be his last stop. He'd given the boat owner a message to pass on to John and via him to the UEO, requesting that he be picked up in four days.

Stepping onto the beach he gingerly picked up his bag and looked around. It was completely deserted but seeing what looked like a man-made track, he started along it and into the trees, hoping it led to what passed for civilisation here. He guessed he'd walked about half a mile when he suddenly stepped into a clearing and found himself on the edge of a village. Two children spotted him and ran into one of the huts, coming out again a few seconds later accompanied by a tall, good-looking man who made his way over to greet him.

"My name is Benjamin… I am the Elder of this village."

Nathan smiled at the name, wondering if it was a good omen. "Nathan Bridger." He replied taking the man's outstretched hand and shaking it.

"You have come from the big island?"

"Yes."

"It is a very long way, you must be tired. Come, we will find you something to eat and drink."

Nathan sighed. He'd learned the hard way that these people weren't to be rushed. They were proud of their hospitality to strangers and took it as the greatest of insults if it was snubbed. "Thank you."

"You are most welcome."

xxxx

Finally, after a meal fit for a king and several glasses of the local brew, Benjamin turned to him. "Now Nathan Bridger, tell me why you are here."

"I'm looking for someone… a woman."

"And what makes you think that she is on this island?"

Nathan bit back the urge to say 'here we go again' and explained what had happened two years ago. The first time he'd done it he'd had a hard time controlling his emotions but now it came out parrot-fashion, absolutely word perfect.

"I see." His host stated at the end of his monologue. "And this doctor, she is important to you?"

"She's my wife."

"She is not here." He felt a crushing disappointment and almost missed the man's next sentence.

"What did you say?" His last words had finally penetrated his alcohol and despair ridden brain.

"I asked if it is Kristin that you are looking for."

"Yes." He replied breathlessly, his throat constricting as his vision misted over. "You know where she is?"

"She is in one of our other villages. My friend Minato has been looking after her."

Nathan stood abruptly, all thoughts of the pain in his back forgotten. "I have to see her. How do I get there?"

"Patience Nathan, patience… It will be dark in a very few minutes. I will arrange for someone to take you there tomorrow, for now you must rest."

Bridger nodded, but inside he fairly screamed with frustration. So close… he was so damn close.

xxxx

"Good morning, Nathan." Benjamin offered his hand and Nathan shook it.

"Good morning."

"You look tired, did you not sleep well?"

Truth was he hadn't slept at all. "So… so…"

"Well, maybe we should delay your little expedition until you're feeling better."

Bridger was appalled and risked offending his new found friend when he almost shouted, "No…" And then more quietly "…No, I'm fine, really."

"Then we will have some breakfast and I'll introduce you to your guide."

xxxx

The Elder of this village greeted him like a long lost friend, leaving him completely confused. "Captain Bridger, it's nice to meet you in person at last."

"I'm sorry, I don't…"

"It's alright Captain, we've never met, but I have seen your photograph and heard stories about you many times. Forgive me, I am Minato."

Nathan shook his hand. "Then she really is here."

"Yes, she's here."

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Thank God."

"Captain…"

"Call me Nathan, please."

"Very well, Nathan… You should know… she's not the same woman you left two years ago."

The words terrified him. "What do you mean?"

"She's lost."

"Lost?"

"Yes. Her spirit is lost."

"I don't understand." He declared almost angrily.

"Maybe you should see for yourself, I just wanted to prepare you. She's in here."

Bridger's stomach was tying itself in knots as his mind imagined her injured, badly scarred or worse. Minato tapped on the door of the hut and then went in. Nathan hesitated for a moment then taking a deep breath did the same, blinking his eyes to adjust them to the much lower light level. For a moment he thought the man had made a terrible mistake until he studied her more closely…

She stood with her back to them as she stared out of a small glassless window. She was in native dress her feet bare as were her legs, except for a flower chain around one ankle. The legs themselves were deeply tanned and so were her arms. Her dress was simple, a brownish-coloured material gathered in at the waist by a leather belt. She was painfully thin… her shoulder-blades very prominent, but the hair… the auburn tresses were definitely hers. They were longer than he remembered and braided with flowers here and there but hers just the same.

"Kristin…" He whispered her name almost reverently and then gave his companion a confused and somewhat disappointed look when she didn't respond.

Minato smiled sadly. "Kristin, there's someone here to see you."

The woman jumped and Nathan's anticipation grew as she started to turn… Just the thought of seeing her face again, after months and months of a lifeless photograph… She finally faced him and… nothing. Not a sign of recognition.

"Kristin..?"

She didn't speak, just stared at him with lifeless eyes for a few seconds and then returned to the window.

Nathan looked at Minato helplessly, seeing the pity in his eyes. It was more than he could take and he fled outside. A few minutes later the younger man joined him and they sat together by the small wood fire. Nathan poked it absently.

"What happened to her?" He whispered in a choked voice.

"I told you, she is lost."

"Why? How..?"

"You know that we were invaded?"

"Yes."

"Our people fought bravely but when the military your General promised didn't arrive we were forced to surrender or lose everything."

Bridger could still be angry about that. "I'm sorry… If I'd known…"

Minato put a hand on his arm. "How could you? You were obeying orders… you couldn't know that he had a black heart."

"Mindless military drone." Nathan muttered.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing… just something someone said once."

He didn't seem to want to elaborate so Minato continued with his account. "Our life seemed to go on pretty much as it always had and then they realised they were losing the war… They became cruel… They did terrible things to our men… our women…" He paused and removed his shirt, turning so that Bridger could see the whip marks on his back.

"Kristin?" He asked in a small voice.

"No. No…" He reassured him. "They left her alone for the most part. I think they planned to use her later, as a bargaining tool."

"Then how..?"

Minato put up a hand to ask him to be patient. "As things grew worse we were forced to leave our villages, go on long marches… even the women and children. Kristin never once complained - just took care of us as best she could with the meagre supplies she could carry. It was an impossible task but she tried."

"What happened to the other nurses?"

"We never found out. Kristin always blamed herself for that… The fighting intensified and we were all taken by boat from one place to another, always losing people on the way. We had no idea what was going to happen to us. I think we'd all resigned ourselves to the fact that we were going to die and so many of the children did. Each death broke her heart a little at a time even though there was nothing she could have done to prevent it." He shook his head sadly.

"One morning we woke up to the sound of explosions, there were shells falling from the sky like rain. UEO shells… We tried to take cover but one young girl ran out into the open in fear. Kristin went after her and a shell hit close by. They were both injured yet still she tried to reach the frightened child but it was too late." There were tears on his cheeks as he continued, "She was my baby sister… We looked after Kristin as best we could for days and days as she hovered between life and death… She called for you, you know… over and over."

Nathan bit back his own tears.

"She kept asking why you hadn't come back for her. Up until that moment she always believed you would…"

"I wanted to… I would have, if I could… " His voice was anguished.

"I know that. After the fever broke she slept for a long time and when she woke up the life had gone out of her. Since that day she has been as you see her now."

"How long..?"

"Almost seven months."

He looked appalled. "But the UEO came through not long ago."

"Yes."

"Why didn't they help her?"

"They were only interested in the fit and healthy, those they could use to demonstrate their success, maybe if they'd known who she was… but we didn't know her name… she was always simply Kristin."

"Is she…" He'd gone from being elated to deflated, almost broken. "Is she..?" God, he couldn't even bring himself to say the word, so he turned it on its head. "Is she sane?"

"She is lost." He repeated.

"But is…"

"She's not crazy, if that's what you mean…" Minato finished for him. "She is just as you see her. She seems to be aware of everything around her. If someone gets hurt, she tends them but her spirit is locked deep inside."

"Does she _ever_ speak?"

"No… Nor laugh, smile, or even cry… Look, I think you've had quite enough for one day; you should get some rest, Nathan. I'll show you where you can stay."

"Thank you." He replied absently.

xxxx

He tossed and turned on his cot unable to sleep, Kristin's lifeless eyes haunting his every thought. Every time he closed his own, he could see them. He could almost visualise everything she'd been through in their depths. This wasn't how he'd imagined it… He'd thought, he no longer remembered what he'd thought. It had all been so…

She was supposed to have been waiting on the beach for him, exactly where he'd left her two years ago… Two years… Two years of planning what they'd do. It seemed so ridiculous now but it was the only thing that had got him through. He lay back and stared at the ceiling waiting for the dawn to break, not knowing what the hell he was going to do when it did.

Whether it was down to stress, too many strange beds, or just over-exertion, he didn't know, all he knew was that his back hurt, it hurt like hell. Unable to stand it for another second, he struggled into a sitting position and grabbed his bag, rummaging through it until he located his pills. He was shocked and somewhat dismayed to find that he was down to his last two, and wondered if he'd be able to last without any until he was picked up.

Deciding to try just one, he popped it into his mouth and swallowed it with some water, lying back and trying to relax. Half-an-hour later it hadn't even taken the edge off, so reluctantly he took the last one.

xxxx

When he woke it was halfway through the morning. He moved gingerly and was relieved to find that the ache was just about bearable. He made his way to Minato's hut but finding it empty, he walked towards one of the small fires and sat down. He desperately needed to talk to the man, ask his advice about Kristin. A shadow loomed beside him.

"Good morning Nathan."

"Afternoon, more like." Nathan smiled.

Minato noticed the lines of fatigue on his face, which was paler than usual. "Are you alright? You don't look well."

"Rough night"

"I understand."

He sat down on the opposite side of the fire and began absently to stoke it. Two children who were playing nearby let out a sudden shriek and both men turned quickly to see what was happening. Nathan gasped; his hand shooting round to his spine and pressing against it.

"Nathan, what's wrong?"

He didn't answer, he couldn't… It was taking all his willpower not to cry out.

"Nathan?" Minato crouched in front of him, noting the sweat beaded on his forehead and the way he bit on his bottom lip.

"Pain," He managed to choke out.

"Do you have something for it?"

"Ran out… God, it hurts."

The Elder thought he knew him well enough to believe he wasn't exaggerating. "Can you walk?"

"I don't think so."

"Children go and find Kristin, now!"

They returned after a few minutes, each holding one of the woman's hands. Kristin didn't need to be told there was a problem. Minato moved to the side as she got down on her knees at Bridger's feet. Reaching out she tilted his chin so that she could see his face, when he didn't respond to her she ran her hand gently down his cheek. Nathan gasped again but this time, it had nothing to do with the pain. In frustration she looked to Minato.

"Nathan, you have to tell her what's wrong. She can't help unless you do."

Between gritted teeth, he managed to tell them what had happened to him. He found it very disconcerting that Minato knew what Kristin was thinking and wanting without having to hear it spoken; one glance and he understood.

"I'll be back in a moment."

Nathan was still taking slow deep breaths but his stomach suddenly lurched and he knew he was going to be sick. Turning away, he started to retch, feeling a hand stroking his hair and shoulders, his disappointment profound when he realised that it was the children who were caring for him. Minato returned and handed him a wooden cup.

"Drink this."

"I'm not sure I can."

Kristin looked at Minato again. "You must Captain."

"What is it?"

"Does it matter?"

As he drained the contents he started to feel a little woozy and briefly wondered if they'd decided to put him out of his misery. Five minutes later and the pain began to ease, at least enough that he could straighten up a little.

"Do you think that you can walk now?"

"I'll try. What about that?" He indicated the mess he'd made.

"Don't worry, someone will clean it up. Come…" With the younger man's help he was able to walk the short distance to his hut.

"Thank you." He turned to Kristin, "And, thank you baby." Just for a second he thought he saw a flicker of something in her eyes but it was quickly gone and he recognised that it had probably been wishful thinking on his part.

"I want you to lie on your stomach, but first we need to remove your shirt."

"Why?"

"Trust me, Nathan." As he tried to find a comfortable position, Minato continued to speak. "We have no modern medicines here, we use only traditional methods."

"I'm not sure that's going to help. What I need is a healthy dose of painkiller."

"It may, Nathan Bridger… it may. You must lie perfectly still. The pain may get worse before it gets better, but it will get better."

"If you say so," He muttered doubtfully.

"Tell me about your submarine."

While Nathan talked he could feel a warm glow, travelling over his back… A soothing warmth… that was until it found the right spot and he cried out in agony.

"Relax Nathan, it will ease in a very few moments."

As he panted his way through the pain, he risked a glance over his shoulder. Kristin was kneeling on the floor beside him, her right hand extremely close to but not touching his bare skin. It was from there that the heat emanated. Nathan laughed aloud. "Faith healing..?"

"Some call it that, and I can see that with all your scientific knowledge, you reject the notion. So did Kristin, once."

"I don't reject it, I just don't believe in it."

"Then it is a good thing that it's not you that needs to have faith, Nathan, it's the healer who has to believe. Although a certain amount from you would probably help…" He smiled. "You feel it, don't you?"

Nathan gasped again as the heat intensified and much to his surprise, the pain began to dissipate.

Minato saw the change in his expression and grinned knowingly. "You see, hocus-pocus does have its place."

He was beginning to feel sleepy as Kristin continued her work on him, his eyes drifting shut. As suddenly as it had come, the warmth on his back disappeared and he felt bereft, moaning with disappointment.

"You must rest now and try not to move too much."

Kristin appeared in his line of vision as she bent down to check on him, studying his face before laying a now cool hand on his forehead and smoothing the palm down over his eyes to close them. He found he had no inclination to open them again.

xxxx

Whether there was something in the faith healing or it was just his drug-induced sleep he didn't know, but when he awoke after sunset the pain had returned to its usual dull ache, for which, he would be eternally grateful. He hadn't experienced agony like that in a long, long time. He made his way outside and immediately saw Minato sitting in his usual spot.

"Nathan…" The man beamed delightedly. "Feeling better?"

"Much… thank you." He sat down on the vacant seat.

"Don't thank me, thank Kristin."

"I will, when I see her." Bridger replied wistfully. "Just what was in that drink you gave me?"

The younger man smiled again. "Oh, roots and herbs… I'm afraid I cannot tell you what they are, it is a secret handed down by word of mouth through the generations. Although, when we told Kristin she said that, in your world, she would have been arrested for even possessing some of them."

Nathan smiled a knowing smile. "Ah, I see… then that would explain the dreams…" He flushed as he thought of them.

"They keep your mind from the pain."

"They certainly do." A thought occurred to him. "If you aren't permitted to tell outsiders about the… formula, then how does Kristin know it?"

"She is one of us."

"Excuse me?"

"Our people made her an honorary member of our village for what she has done for us."

"Did you know her from the outset?"

"No. When they came to our village she was with them. They'd taken her in an earlier raid on one of the other islands."

Nathan's eyes closed as he was wracked with guilt.

"Do not blame yourself Nathan, Kristin told us what happened. It wasn't your fault."

"What else did she tell you?" He asked curiously.

"She mainly talked to the children, telling them stories of the brave and fearless UEO captain and his great submarine…"

Bridger snorted.

"She was very proud of you."

"I left her to die."

"But she didn't die… she survived. Your photograph and the letter helped pull her through."

"The letter… She read it?" He asked softly.

"Of course... It gave her so much happiness. She was heartbroken when she had to leave it behind."

Nathan felt himself welling up and quickly changed the subject. "What else did she tell the children?"

"Their favourite story was far too fantastic to be true; it was about a young man and a dolphin that talked."

"Lucas and Darwin," He smiled.

"Darwin? The story really was true then?" He asked in surprise.

"Maybe I'm not the only one who needs to have a little faith here?" Bridger teased. "Yes, it's true."

Minato shook his head. "A talking dolphin… You live and learn Nathan, you live and learn…"

He spent the next hour explaining about vocoders and Lucas, surprised by the amount that the Elder knew about present day technology.

"Nathan, you must realise that we had most of the things you've talked about. The majority of us are from the big island but we chose to come out here, live the traditional life."

Before he could inquire further, dinner arrived.

"You are hungry?"

He was shocked to find that he was. "Yes."

"Then eat, we will talk some more, later."

xxxx

When he finally returned Nathan was still in the same spot, staring into the fire. Minato handed him a drink. "You look as though you need this."

He immediately recognised the home-brew that he'd been given on some of the other islands he'd visited. "I do… thanks." He took it gratefully.

"Is the pain worse?"

"No. No, it's fine."

"Then what is troubling you, Nathan Bridger?" He asked as he resumed his place by the fire.

"I don't know what to do."

"About Kristin..?"

He nodded. "They're going to be picking me up tomorrow. I came here to find her, if I could, and take her home, but now… I don't know what to do."

"Do you love her?"

His voice was thick with emotion as he whispered, "Yes, very much."

"No Nathan, I don't mean the woman she was, the one you remember… Do you love the woman you see now?"

"Yes." His voice didn't falter and Minato knew it to be true.

"Then take her home."

"How can I?" He asked despairingly. "She's so much a part of your world now. Dammit, I can't even communicate with her! I don't know what she wants or needs… How she feels… What she's trying to say… It wouldn't be fair! You understand her with just a look…" His voice had risen and a few of the people around the next fire turned to look at him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He covered his face with his hands and tried to calm down.

"I know how hard this must be for you. How disappointed you must be."

Nathan sighed, in truth he was far more than disappointed, he was crushed. "It's my fault she's like this."

"I told you, Kristin never blamed you for anything, so why do you blame yourself?"

"Because I abandoned her..."

"And now you've come back. You kept your promise. Take her home Nathan."

"But how do I..?"

"You have to forgive yourself. Forget what cannot be undone. Once you do that you will understand her. Open your heart, Captain." The younger man stood and walked away.

xxxx

Minato took her hands in his, stroking the backs gently with his thumbs. "He is a good man Kristin but he tortures himself with guilt over things that cannot be changed." He looked into her eyes. "He loves you very much." She pulled her gaze away and he reached out, gently cupping her chin and turning her to face him again.

"He needs you Kristin, he needs you badly. I know that you are afraid but I have looked into his heart and I know that he will never let anything bad happen to you. The decision is yours and if you choose to stay with us you will be most welcome, but you are his wife and you do love him whether you remember it or not. I fear that if you decide not to go with him it will break his heart."

xxxx

Nathan still stared into the fire. He'd never been this conflicted before and it was tearing him apart inside. What if she didn't want to leave? He supposed that he could stay but knew it would drive him crazy in the end. He was already jealous of the bond she had with the village Elder and he knew himself well enough to realise that it would only get worse. He loved her and there was no way he would be able to share her, no matter how good it was for her. No, he couldn't do that but then what if she did come back? What if he never learned how to be with her as she was? He was vaguely aware of someone standing in front of him.

"Minato, I…" He looked up and his heart skipped a beat or two as he stared into her beautiful face, the firelight dancing in her hair bringing out the highlights – it was breath-taking. She knelt at his feet and he lost all power of speech.

Afraid that she might think he was rejecting her, he stretched out a hand and touched her cheek, his eyes locking with hers as he tried to convey with a look, all the things he couldn't say.

He swallowed hard as she reciprocated, her soft hands tracing his forehead, his nose, his cheeks as he forced himself to stay perfectly still lest he scare her, completely mesmerised by her gentleness. Then her fingers touched his lips and he couldn't restrain himself any longer, kissing them tenderly.

She pulled back as though she'd been burned and he panicked, his heart thudding wildly in his chest, cursing himself for not showing more control. But she didn't move away, just stared at her hand for a few moments before returning it to his mouth.

Nathan closed his eyes to hold back the tears that were threatening then kissed the tips again… reverently… lovingly… feeling the tears on his cheeks as he lost the struggle to contain them… one falling onto the back of her hand. Her eyes captured his again and she reached up hesitantly to brush the droplets away with her thumbs as they fell.

"God, I wish I knew what you were thinking." Nathan whispered. "Come home with me baby, please come home."

She continued to stare at him for the longest time and then withdrew. Nathan's heart sank and he felt his disappointment like a physical blow when she stood, glanced briefly at Minato and walked away.

The Elder's voice broke the crashing silence. "She will be ready to go tomorrow."

Nathan looked up in astonishment, not sure how much more his heart could take. "She…"

"She will go with you. Look after her, don't let anything hurt her."

"I won't…" He vowed in a choked voice. "You have my word."

"That is good enough for me. Now, you should try to sleep, you've had an eventful day."

xxxx

Nathan made his way around the village saying his farewells and offering his thanks for their hospitality, all the time trying to suppress his anxiety at the fact that Kristin hadn't as yet put in an appearance. A group of children ran up to him excitedly, drawing his attention to the new arrivals in their midst. He smiled when he saw Commander Ford and Lucas.

"Cap'…" "Captain…"

"It's good to see you both but what are you doing here?"

"The Secretary-General sent us, Sir. The _seaQuest_ has been refitted, the crew rotations are complete and he thought this would be a good first outing."

"That was very thoughtful of him." Nathan made a note to thank Bill properly later.

"Sir, did you find her?" Lucas couldn't contain himself any longer.

"Yes Lucas, I found her."

"That's great, Captain." Jonathan interjected.

"Is she okay?"

Bridger's expression was sad. "Yes and no."

"Sir..?"

"Lucas she's not…" He shook his head in defeat not knowing how to explain it.

"Is she coming home?"

"I don't know… I thought that she was but…"

"Sir…" Jonathan drew Nathan's attention to one of the huts. "Oh… dear… Lord..." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He and Kristin had rarely seen eye-to-eye but in his way he still cared for her. The sight of her so thin was a terrible shock.

Lucas called out and waved furiously before Nathan could stop him, "Doc!"

He put a restraining hand on the young man's shoulder then walked towards her. Minato whispered something in her ear and hugged her to him before stepping back. "Nathan."

"Minato," He took the man's hand in his. "What can I say but, thank you."

"There is nothing to say. Remember Captain, you gave me your word."

"And I intend to honour it."

He smiled and Nathan held out his hand to Kristin. She hesitated for a moment and then stepped forward cautiously.

"Time to go home..."

She glanced nervously at her former protector and he nodded encouragingly. Kristin allowed him to lead her to the others.

"I'll carry that for you, Doc." Lucas offered holding out his hand to take her small bag. "Doc..?"

"Kristin…" Bridger waited for her to turn to him. "You remember Lucas and Commander Ford don't you?"

Her only response was to relinquish her hold on her meagre belongings.

"Captain..?" Jonathan asked.

"I'll explain later, shall we go?"

They walked away from the villagers but stopped on the outskirts as the people waved to them. Nathan and the others waved back but Kristin just stood silently, her eyes searching out Minato once more. Nathan sensed that more was said in that look than could be contained in an entire sentence. Finally, they moved off down the dirt track and he tucked Kristin into his side slipping an arm loosely around her waist. Although she didn't protest, she didn't reciprocate in any way. They continued on in silence, Lucas and Jonathan stealing glances at the couple from time to time.

When they arrived on the beach one of _seaQuest's_ smaller launches awaited them. Kristin stood stock-still and stared at it.

"Kristin… it's a launch, you've been in them dozens of times." Bridger coaxed.

She took a deep breath and started to walk again but as she drew close to the black shape she froze.

"She's afraid, Captain." Lucas whispered, visibly shaken. The Kristin Westphalen he remembered was never afraid of anything.

"I know." He seemed to be at a loss to know what to do.

Lucas moved closer to her. "Doc…" She didn't even look at him. "Kristin…" This time he got her attention. "I don't know if you remember, but two years ago I was frightened and you looked after me. Would it be okay if I took care of you this time? I'd like to." He held out his hand to her as Bridger had, but didn't move, leaving the choice to her. Again she hesitated then stepped forward and took it.

"You'll be okay, I promise." He led her into the waiting craft.

Nathan's emotions warred with one another. He was relieved that Kristin was responding to someone but it hurt badly that it wasn't him. He exhaled deeply, his guilt resurfacing… _Why the hell should she trust you Bridger? You left her on that damned island in the first place._

"Nathan, are you okay?" Ford asked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Let's go."

With great restraint he sat down with his X-O and chatted to him about the latest refit, his mind only half on the conversation as he watched Lucas and Kristin surreptitiously.

Lucas had started off sitting opposite her but as they submerged he'd noticed that her hands were trembling, so he'd moved to sit next to her taking them in his, shocked at just how cold they were. He talked softly to her all the way back to _seaQuest_ , keeping her occupied.

When they docked Nathan turned to Jonathan. "You haven't arranged any sort of welcoming committee?"

"No Captain, Several crew members wanted to be here but I told them no. We didn't know if you'd found Kristin, or whether she was alright, so I thought it best to keep your arrival low-key."

"Thank you." He stepped away and went back to collect his wife but she wouldn't let go of Lucas' hand. Once again he clamped down on his feelings and allowed the young man to escort her while he walked with the Commander. "Lucas… Why don't you take Kristin to my cabin? I'll be along shortly."

"Aye, Sir."

When they were out of sight Jonathan Ford turned to him. "God Nathan, what happened to her?"

"Too much Jonathan, too much..."

"Will she..? I mean, is she..?"

"She's aware of everything that's going on around her, she just doesn't react."

"Do you think she knows who we are… where she is?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I just don't know."

"She responded to Lucas."

"Mmm…"

"Maybe you should let Dr. Smith take a look at her. She could get into her head, see if…"

Nathan interrupted him angrily. "I don't want Wendy Smith anywhere near Kristin, is that understood Commander?"

"Yes Sir!" Ford practically stood to attention.

"Sorry… it's been a trying week."

"I can imagine."

"Why don't you go to the bridge and I'll join you later."

"Yes Sir. And Sir, I'm sure it will all work out."

"God, I hope so." He made his way wearily to his quarters, not knowing what he would find when he got there.

xxxx

Nathan entered quietly and was surprised to see Kristin lying on his bunk. "Lucas… Is she alright?" He asked worriedly.

"Yes Sir. At first she was really scared but when we got underway, she put her hand against the bulkhead and before I knew it, she'd fallen asleep."

Nathan smile fondly. "She once told me that the thrum of the engines could put her to sleep." He crossed the room and looked down at her, stroking her hair back from her forehead.

"Sir, if you're not too tired, could you tell me what happened to her please?"

The older man nodded. "Just give me a minute. I need to pick up some painkillers first."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think… How is your back, Sir?"

"At this moment it hurts like hell." He replied over his shoulder as he walked out of the door.

xxxx

Wendy looked up as he entered med-bay, relief flooding through her when she saw he was alone. She practically ran across the room to him. "Nathan!" She threw her arms around him. "God I've missed you."

He quickly disengaged himself from her embrace, a little confused by her enthusiastic welcome considering they'd parted on less than friendly terms. "It's good to be back."

"I'm sure." She'd had time to consider her position while he'd been away, realising that her little tantrum had done little to improve her standing with him and now she was determined to make amends.

"And talking of backs" He grimaced.

"How bad is it?"

"It's been worse but then again it's been better."

"Come over to the examination table and I'll check it for you."

"Okay, but be quick."

"I told you that it was too soon. You should have waited a few more weeks before chasing after... her." She barely managed to keep the contempt from her voice.

"I couldn't, you know that." He closed his eyes and tried to relax as she prodded and probed. "Ouch!"

"My God, you're so tense. Too much stress will kill you, you know."

"Yes Mom."

"I take it that you didn't find her. I'm sorry, Nathan, I know how much it meant to you."

"I found her." Wendy probed a little too deeply and he hissed in pain.

"Sorry. Is she on board?"

"Yes."

"Then I should give her a thorough examination."

"No!" He snapped a little too loudly causing her to jump.

She continued in a voice far more calm than she was feeling. "You know the rules, Captain. She's been abroad for two years. She could be a carrier for all sorts of illnesses that the crew haven't been immunised against."

"Kristin isn't sick."

Wendy knew that he was hiding something from her but she couldn't get past the mental barrier he'd put up. "Maybe, later then…"

"Maybe..." He agreed.

She decided to change tack. "Nathan, I owe you an apology for my little tantrum before you left."

"No you don't, it was my fault."

"Yes, but I behaved badly." He merely shrugged. "It's only because I care for you so much. Nathan, you know that I..." She noticed one of her nurses hovering nearby and quickly changed tack. "I'll give you a shot for now and have the painkillers sent to your quarters. Can we talk later? About us I mean…"

He winced as he felt the needle pierce his skin followed by the coldness of the swab and then the warmth of her hand, a hand that lingered just a little too long.

"There…"

"Thanks." He stood to leave but she stopped him.

"What's wrong, Nathan?"

"Nothing..." He didn't even manage to convince himself with that one and said the first thing that came into his head so he could make his escape. "We'll talk later."

"I'll be waiting." She felt him flinch at the words but had no idea why.

xxxx

Not sure exactly how much time he should spend with Kristin, or even how much time she wanted to spend with him, he'd chosen to be on the bridge most of the next morning; purely as an advisor since he didn't feel he could concentrate fully on the ins and outs of actually running the sub just yet. And anyway, Jonathan was doing his usual impeccable job. Around lunchtime he decided to return to his quarters and attempt to figure out if Kristin was hungry, although she ate very little these days. He was beginning to wonder whether he should add anorexia to the list of problems they had to face.

He walked slowly along the passageway and stopped outside, his hand resting on but not opening the door. He chastised himself for being nervous but the truth was, he always dreaded going inside. It was idiotic he knew, it was only Kristin after all but her aloofness was getting to him in ways he hadn't even predicted. There was no welcome in her eyes and his subconscious had begun to conjure up reasons for it… She blamed him for what had happened to her… She didn't care about him anymore… She was only there because Minato had made her come… The list went on and on…

He clenched his hands into fists as he tried to clamp down on the terrible thoughts in his head and then took a deep breath, plastering a cheerful smile on his face as he walked through the door. The room was empty. He quickly checked the head but it was deserted too.

A feeling of panic began to build inside him as he almost ran to Lucas' room but received no answer to his repeated knocks. His imagination went into overdrive and he began to hyperventilate as he tried to regain control. She had to be on the boat somewhere but where to start? Med-bay… God, what if something had happened to her? He berated himself all the way there for leaving her alone so long. If she'd got hurt it would be his fault and he'd promised. He'd… He entered quickly, almost knocking over a young female Ensign who was coming the other way but not taking the time to apologise. Wendy saw him and started towards him.

"Nathan, is something wrong? Is it your back? If you'd like to…"

He cut her off. "My back's fine."

"Is it Kristin then?" She asked evenly.

 _She's not here… She's not here…_ He turned on his heel and walked out. Wendy's curiosity was peaked so she decided to follow him, discretely of course.

Half-an-hour later after various diversions, he made his way onto sea-deck, his anxiety levels at an all-time high. Anxiety, that abruptly morphed into an irrational anger when he saw her sitting on the edge of the moonpool with Lucas and Ensign Perry as they chatted to Darwin. Bridger stormed over and grabbed Lucas by the arm, pulling him to his feet and taking him to one side.

"Damn it Lucas, what the hell do you think you're doing?" His eyes glittered with fury.

"Captain, I thought the Doc could use a break so I brought her to see Darwin. She…"

"You made that decision, without consulting me? You thought it would be a good idea to drag her from the safety of my quarters through a boat full of strangers for a little outing?"

"No Sir, I mean... Yes Sir… I just thought…"

"Thinking doesn't seem to be your strong suit, does it? How dare you do that without asking me first?"

"I asked Kristin, Sir."

"You asked Kristin… And what did she say Ensign? Yes I'd like that and why don't you bring along a friend? For God's sake, I thought you were more responsible than that! I thought I could trust you."

"You can." Despite his best efforts he was close to tears.

"No Lucas, I can't, I..." He broke off as Kristin came up to them and took the young man's hand in hers, looking first at him and then at Perry.

Lucas got the message. "Excuse me Sir." He returned to the moonpool and sat on the edge without looking back.

Nathan closed his eyes in an effort to gain some semblance of control and when he opened them again he found himself staring into Kristin's. "Kris, I…" He tried to touch her but she moved away, turning her back on him and walking out into the corridor, leaving him standing alone and feeling like a complete jerk. As she turned the corner she ran into Wendy Smith coming the other way and jumped, startled.

Wendy put on her sweetest smile. "I'm sorry Doctor I didn't mean to frighten you."

Kristin just stared at her and a frown crossed the younger woman's face. "Kristin..?"

When she didn't reply Wendy stole the opportunity to probe her rival's emotions, feeling anger and resentment there. She went a little deeper and gasped when she hit a brick wall that she couldn't penetrate. Kristin's mood changed for a second and Smith could have sworn that she heard her laugh, but by the time she'd processed the information the woman was gone. Nathan appeared round the corner.

"If you're looking for your wife she went that-a way." She indicated the direction with a flick of her hand.

"Thanks."

Wendy sighed with frustration but she had learned something from the brief encounter. She now knew why Nathan had kept the doctor under wraps and she'd definitely over-estimated the competition.

xxxx

His head hurt, his back hurt and Kristin hadn't responded to him in almost twenty-four hours, which made his heart hurt. She'd cut herself off from him completely, just sitting in the furthest corner of the bunk with her knees drawn up to her chest, only moving when she needed to use the head and refusing to eat. He was almost at the end of his tether, not to mention his patience.

Angrily he stormed out and then stood in the corridor, realising that he had nowhere to go. Ford was busy and Lucas was keeping a very low profile. He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus them but the pain was making it difficult, without thinking he made his way to Wendy's quarters, tapping gently on the glass.

She opened the door wearing only a short, slinky robe and stared at him in surprise. "Nathan…"

He knew immediately that he shouldn't be there. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have disturbed you."

"Nonsense… Is something wrong?"

"Headache…"

"Don't you have any painkillers left?"

"Yeah, but I don't like to take them unless I really need to. Don't want to get addicted."

"That's good. Look, I have some aspirin somewhere, why don't you come in and sit down?"

Again he knew he shouldn't but he walked in anyway and perched on the edge of the small desk. Wendy rubbed his shoulders and back comfortingly.

"My God Nathan, you're still too tense."

"Bad day…"

"You've been having a lot of those lately." She observed.

"Tell me about it."

Smith smiled to herself. "I know what you need and it isn't aspirin."

"Wendy I…"

"Oh don't worry Nathan, I'm not going to seduce you or anything, after all you're a happily married man." There was a hint of sarcasm in her tone. She walked over to the bedside locker and pulled out a bottle of scotch waving it in front of him.

"You shouldn't have that, alcohol isn't permitted on board."

"Then we'd better drink it before the captain finds out." She disappeared into the bathroom returning with a couple of glasses and pouring two generous measures. "Here you go."

He only hesitated for a fraction of a second before taking it from her and downing it in one.

"It really has been a bad day, hasn't it?" She asked pouring him another and watching it disappear as quickly as the first. The third one he just sipped.

Standing up, he staggered a little, he really should have known better than to drink on an empty stomach. "I should go."

"Don't be silly, we haven't dealt with that headache yet. Unless of course, you'd prefer Kristin to doctor you…"

He cringed inwardly, _No damn chance of that happening_. He sat down again, on the edge of the bed this time and after grabbing the bottle and her glass, she moved to join him.

"Wendy…"

"I told you Nathan, I'm not about to seduce you but we need to get rid of some of that tension." She inched back on the mattress and began to knead his shoulders gently but forcefully.

"God, that feels good," he groaned.

"Then take off your shirt and lie down and I'll do it properly." Again he hesitated. "Nathan, you know that it's not doing your back any good putting this much strain on it. I'm the CMO of this boat and I order you to lie down." He smiled at her and capitulated, lying on his stomach. "And drink up, you're one behind." She lied.

xxxx

Lucas was pounding the hell out of one of his computer games when he felt a touch on his shoulder, making him jump half out of his skin. He spun round angrily expecting to see Jack but found himself face-to-face with Kristin. "Doc..! What are you doing here? Is something wrong? Where's the captain?"

She just looked at him and he was sure that she wanted to say something but after a few moments she seemed to give up. Reaching across she picked up his games' controller and handed it back to him before going to sit on his bunk.

He played a couple more rounds but began to feel uncomfortable, thinking of his last run-in with Bridger. Getting to his feet, he walked over to his disk player, slipping in some music that he knew she liked before crouching down in front of her. "Doc, I have to leave for a few minutes but I'll be right back, okay?"

He picked up his PAL and headed for Bridger's quarters, tapping on the door a few times before going inside. Finding the place deserted, he scribbled a quick note and then left again, running straight into his friend.

"Hey, Lucas…"

"Jack…"

"Wanna hang for a while?"

"Nah, not tonight… I'm busy."

"That's cool. If you were looking for the old man he was spotted going into Smith's quarters about two hours ago. Rumour has it he's still in there."

"Oh… Look, I'll see you tomorrow, I have to get back."

xxxx

Nathan had lost count of the number of drinks he'd had, not that he cared anymore and every time he even considered leaving Wendy would manage to find just the right spot to massage to keep him there. Slowly his eyes drifted shut as he finally relaxed into her tender ministrations, unable to curb the groans of pleasure that escaped his lips…

xxxx

Lucas had stayed awake for as long as he could - watching over the woman who now slept curled up on his bunk. He checked the clock for the hundredth time, his annoyance with Bridger doubling and redoubling with every minute that went by. He stood up quietly and retrieved his spare blanket, covering her with it before grabbing his sleeping bag and getting as comfortable as he could.

He woke abruptly the next morning and it took him a couple of minutes to get his bearings, wondering what the hell he was doing sleeping on the floor. Kristin…

Remembering at the last moment to undo his sleeping bag, he got to his feet silently, in case she was still asleep but fully expecting to find her gone. He was surprised when he saw her still on his bunk, back against the bulkhead and her legs pulled up with her arms around them, watching him. He put on his happiest smile.

"Good morning Doc, I hope you slept well. I'm just gonna take a quick shower and then I'll see if I can rustle up some breakfast. Unless, you'd like to eat first…" When she didn't move he took it as a 'no'. "I'll be quick, I promise." He also wanted to find Nathan Bridger so he could tell him exactly what he thought of him, but he wasn't going to mention that.

xxxx

Meanwhile the man himself was beginning to stir… slowly. His mind was fuzzy and he had a mouth like the bottom of a parrot cage. Kicking one leg out, he yelped as his toes crunched against something solid. Without opening his eyes, he groped around with his hand until it hit a wall... a wall that definitely hadn't been there yesterday. Reluctantly opening his eyes he rolled onto his back and looked around. These were absolutely not his quarters. He rubbed his face tiredly and tried to think…

There was a headache and a bottle of scotch, and a massage and… "Hell!" He sat bolt upright, moaning as his hangover made its presence felt and checking under the covers. He was completely naked. Turning to his right he saw a photograph on the night table which left him in no doubt as to where he was. 'Sexy Lexie' complete with Admiral's uniform, stared back at him coldly. Bridger was in shock, he couldn't have, could he?

He reached out a trembling hand and smoothed it over the sheet next to him, it was warm. _Oh God, no!_ At that moment the door to the head opened and Wendy walked out, her robe only loosely fastened, offering tantalising glimpses of her breasts but at least she was wearing panties. He felt sick.

"Good morning sleepyhead, nice of you to join me." She teased.

"Wendy…"

"You were expecting someone else? I'm hurt."

"What… I mean…" He shut up again, too much of a gentleman to ask if he'd, if they'd…

Nathan's confusion had left his thoughts wide open and she smiled to herself. "I hope you enjoyed last night as much as I did. I'm due on duty very shortly but you're welcome to stay and catch up on your sleep, you must be worn out."

His eyes closed again. _He had…_ He sat quietly for a few minutes trying to collect his thoughts. "What time is it?"

"A little after 9… A.M…" She added thoughtfully.

But that meant he'd been here all night, which meant that Kristin… Oh God… She'd been alone all night. He quickly rolled from the bed and picked up his scattered clothing, Wendy's laughter aggravating his sore head. "Damn it Wendy, it isn't funny!"

"Really..? You should see it from where I'm sitting."

Slipping on his other shoe he bolted through the door and straight into Brody and Perry cursing to himself about his wretched luck, which got much worse when he found Lucas waiting for him in his quarters.

Nathan just glared at him. "Why are you here?"

He stood almost at attention. "Permission to speak freely... _Sir_..?"

"Granted..."

"Why weren't you?" He countered. Bridger ignored the question and looked around. "She isn't here."

He spun round worriedly. "Where..?"

"She spent the night with me. I slept on the floor." He added unnecessarily. "Where did you sleep?"

"Where is she now?"

"Still in my room…"

"You didn't leave her alone?" He accused.

Lucas' temper finally snapped. "No… you did. Nan… Ensign Takamura is with her."

"Oh." The older man sat down heavily on the bed.

"Why Captain, why did you do that to her?"

"Do what?"

"Oh come on… It's all over the boat that you spent the night with your CMO."

"Hell!" Nathan pressed his hand to his mouth before rubbing his face slowly. "Does Kristin know?"

"Not yet."

"You're going to tell her?"

Lucas stood angrily. "You really think I'd do that?"

"No, I guess not. Thanks."

"Don't thank me, don't ever thank me. I'm not doing it for you."

"I know… and I don't blame you for being angry with me. I'm angry with myself."

He could see the man was genuinely upset. "Was it worth it, Cap'?"

Nathan shook his head. "I wish to hell I knew."

He sat down again. "What?"

"I don't remember. I don't remember a damn thing." The pain in his eyes was very real and Lucas relented a little.

"What happened?"

"I had this damned headache that wouldn't go away and I went to Dr. Smith's quarters to see if she had some aspirin…"

"Wouldn't it have been more sensible to go to med-bay?"

"Yeah, I know that now… but you know how much I hate that place. Wendy and I got talking and she noticed how tense I was and it wasn't good for my back, which I had to agree with considering how much it ached. Then she pulled rank on me. And then she produced this bottle of scotch and…"

"You're trying to tell me that she got you drunk and then had her wicked way with you… pl…eease."

"I know it sounds ridiculous but I did get drunk and the next thing I remember was waking up in her bed."

"So you might just have passed out?" Lucas asked hopefully.

"Yeah but the way she behaved this morning tells a whole different story."

"Geez Cap', couldn't you just have asked Kristin to fix you up? She is still a doctor you know, albeit a silent one."

He sighed sadly. "She doesn't want anything to do with me. Since my performance on sea-deck, which I'm really sorry about by the way, she's withdrawn completely."

"Then you need to talk to her."

"And tell her what? Kristin, I know you've been through hell and I promised to look after you but I gave up at the first hurdle and slept with my CMO..."

"No, you can't do that. Tell her you needed some time alone, tell her anything. But don't you dare tell her where you spent the night and pray to God that Smith doesn't either."

"Or Brody, or your friend Perry…"

"What the hell did you do, take out an ad in the _seaQuest Gazette_ or something?"

Bridger ignored that one. "How can I even look her in the eye? How can I pretend that it didn't happen?"

"With all due respect Captain, that's your problem, just don't put it on to her she has enough to deal with." The man looked defeated. "Maybe you should start by treating her like your wife and not someone you have to protect at all costs. She's not a child and she won't break but she is alone, no matter how many people she's surrounded by. You have a headache you go to Wendy, tell her what you want and she fixes it. You're miserable you get drunk, or get laid… No one knows if Kristin is happy, sad, hurting, hungry, and she can't tell anyone, she only has herself to confide in. Perhaps you should think about that and stop feeling sorry for yourself… I'll bring her back in half-an-hour."

"Thanks…" He smiled faintly, "For everything."

"Like I said, I'm doing it for Kristin not you."

"You can't stop me from being grateful Lucas."

After he'd gone Nathan stood and walked into the head, barely able to look at himself in the mirror. Disgustedly, he stripped off and climbed into the shower hoping to wash away some of the dirtiness he felt even if he could do nothing about the guilt.

xxxx

When they returned Lucas made his excuses and left immediately. Nathan busied himself tidying things that didn't need to be tidied, trying to delay the inevitable but he knew what had to be done. Lucas had been right, he'd behaved like an overbearing idiot since he'd found her, not allowing her any freedom to choose what she wanted to do, where she wanted to go… Now it was time to set things right, if he could.

He turned to find her sitting on the edge of the bunk watching him intently. Crossing to her, he knelt down taking both of her hands in his and looking directly into her eyes. "I'm sorry sweetheart… I've really screwed everything up, haven't I?" He'd hoped against hope for some sort of reaction from her but she just continued to hold his gaze steadily.

"Kris, was I wrong to take you away from the island? You were looked after there, cared for, loved… They knew how to behave around you but I'm lost. The Kristin I knew is gone and the one I have I don't know how to deal with." She tried to remove her hands but he held on to them.

"No, please don't do that… please… I just wish I knew if I did the right thing or if I've just been selfish. I needed you Kristin, I still need you… but I don't know now if you need me. That's why I came searching for you. All the time we were apart I ached to be with you again. You walked in my head, lived in my heart, spoke in my dreams…

"When I was in hospital all those months and the pain was so bad that I wanted to die, it was you who got me through, the thought of seeing you again… Then there were the nights staring at the ceiling because I couldn't sleep, I'd imagine all the things we'd do together. The places we'd go. The things we'd see…

"I could hear your laughter in my head and it would make me smile when nothing else could. I could feel your warmth as you held me… taste your skin as you made love to me… And then when I found you I realised that none of those things could ever happen but I thought that as long as you were with me it wouldn't matter, but it does… and it hurts, it hurts so much. Not because I don't care for you anymore or you disappoint me but because I miss you.

"I love you so much and I don't know what to do… It's tearing me up inside." He laid his head in her lap, his eyes filling with tears. "It's killing me…" His voice was barely above a whisper. He released her hands to slide his arms around her waist, clinging to her.

At first he thought he'd imagined it but it was there, the definite sensation of a gentle hand stroking his hair. He looked up nervously at her face, there were no tears but he knew she was crying… and it hit him all at once. He'd spent all this time being jealous of Minato but it turned out that the Elder had been wrong. 'She doesn't smile or laugh or even cry', he'd said and he'd just taken his words as gospel, but he hadn't known, couldn't see… In a perverse way that made him feel a whole lot better and he smiled at her. "Kristin…" With trembling fingers he reached up and stroked her cheek, grateful when she didn't pull away. "God, I hurt baby and I'm so damn tired."

Without a word, she pulled her legs up onto the bunk and scooted over to make room for him.

"You're sure Kris?"

She tugged on his hand and he got up slowly, lying down beside her and opening his arms, waiting patiently. They'd come a long way in the last few minutes and he didn't want to push her too hard. With barely a moment's doubt she snuggled into his embrace, her arm across his body, her hand over his heart. The urge to crush her to him was a powerful one but he knew it would be wrong, so he settled for holding the hand that rested on his chest. He watched her until her eyes closed, aware that something very important had just happened. He still didn't know if she loved him or had forgiven him, but she trusted him and that was a start. He suppressed the memory of waking in Wendy Smith's bed, almost convinced now that nothing could have happened between them. Drunk or sober, happy or sad, he loved Kristin Westphalen more than anything in the world and he knew in his heart that he would never have done anything to jeopardise that.

They both woke to the sound of his PAL. "Bridger."

"Sorry to disturb you, Sir." Lieutenant O'Neill's voice responded.

"That's okay Tim, what is it?"

"I have Secretary-General Noyce for you. He says he has some interesting news."

"Thanks, I'll take it in the wardroom." He turned back to Kristin who was still lying on the bunk and brushed her hair back from her face tenderly. "I'll be right back, I promise."

xxxx

As he walked through the door silence broke out in the wardroom where he'd asked his Senior Officers and bridge crew to assemble. "I've asked you here because I wanted to tell you this myself… I've temporarily resigned my captaincy of _seaQuest_." He waited for the shocked response to die down. "Jonathan, I've recommended that you take over for the rest of the tour."

"Thank you, Sir."

"There's no need to thank me, you've earned it."

"What will you do, Cap'?" Lucas asked, already guessing the answer.

"I'm going to take Kristin to the island, she…"

"You can't!" Wendy blurted out unintentionally.

"Why not..? She's still my wife..." he cautioned.

"Yes, but…" She groped for an answer that would redeem her. "Dr. Westphalen is sick, she needs help, constant attention."

"And that's what I intend to give her." Nathan stated evenly.

"I meant professional help. She's… she's…"

"No Doctor, she isn't."

"But Nathan you'd be miserable, you can't spend the rest of your life like that… living alone…"

"I won't be alone. Kristin will be with me."

"For all the good that will do, it'll be like talking to the damn wall, even Darwin would be a better companion!" The doctor almost shouted.

"And whose fault is that?" Wendy blanched. "You really think I don't know about you and Thomas?"

Jonathan made a vain attempt to calm the situation but Lucas had already jumped in. "What about them?"

Bridger knew he should close down the conversation but Wendy's attack on Kristin had pushed him past that point. "You think I don't know that you and Thomas cooked up leaving Kristin on that island between you? Sending her the most incompetent nurses we had?"

The rest of the group looked astonished and Wendy coloured visibly.

"I didn't, I…"

"Damn it Doctor! I saw you with Thomas myself, I just wish I'd put it all together sooner. It wasn't until I talked with Bill again that it all fell into place."

"The Secretary-General..?" Ford asked.

"He could find no record of the island, a request for a UEO force or any reference to leaving a medical team behind and when he ran a check on the names of the nurses it turned out they were all on a list submitted for dismissal from the boat on the grounds that they were lazy, uncooperative and generally incompetent."

Wendy knew that she was in serious trouble. "Nathan, you can't believe that I would..? It was Frank Thomas, he…"

Bridger held up a hand to silence her. "Don't Wendy, just don't."

"Why would she do that?" Tim finally joined the conversation.

"…Because she's jealous." Lucas spat out.

Realising that the situation was getting way out of hand, Nathan decided to bring the meeting to a close. "Enough, it was as much my fault. I should never have allowed Thomas to leave them there. Anyway, my decision is made. We'll be leaving in a couple of days."

"Keep in touch, won't you Sir, we'd all like to know how Kristin's doing."

"Of course, Jonathan…"

"Cap'" Lucas said softly.

Bridger gave him a friendly hug. "You look after yourself, you hear and thank you."

"Would it be okay if I came out to visit sometime?"

"I'm counting on it, and that goes for all of you. Just make sure you call first and don't all come at once." He admonished jokingly.

"We will."

"Take care, Sir."

"Good luck, Captain."

"It's been good serving with you, Nathan."

"Give our best wishes to Kristin."

"I will." They all filed out into the corridor leaving him alone with Wendy. Not willing to admit defeat she grabbed him by the arm to detain him.

"Nathan, you can't do this. What about us?"

"There is no 'us'." He responded quietly.

"But there is… You even…"

" _If_ I did, I shouldn't have." He interrupted.

"Yes you should. I can't believe you're doing this! There are people who can look after her… Places she can go… You don't have to take care of her just because…"

"She's my wife." Bridger reaffirmed.

"Damn it Nathan, she hasn't been your wife for a long, long time!"

"You're wrong, Wendy, she's always been my wife."

"But you don't love her."

"I've always loved her… even when I thought I hated her. And I always will."

"But we…"

He could see that she still didn't believe him so he opened his thoughts to her, revealing his true feelings.

Wendy stifled a sob and then disengaged herself from his mind, her desperation turning to anger. "Then have a nice life Nathan, such as it will be. A jail sentence with someone who doesn't speak or think… An eternity with a woman who doesn't even know what time of day it is, much less care. You're a passionate man, Nathan and you need a passionate woman, not an ice queen who will never show you any true affection or love. She's a damn zombie for God's sake!"

"Wendy!"

"Oh come on Nathan, you don't need to pretend with me, we both know what this is all about… guilt - Guilt and your ridiculous sense of duty!"

"You're wrong." Bridger replied softly, his voice in stark contrast to hers. "It's about love, compassion and caring, three things that you obviously know very little about… Goodbye Wendy." With that he turned and walked quickly away from her.

"You'll regret it Nathan, I promise you, and don't come running back to me when you do! This time I won't be there to pick up the pieces." 

**** End of Part Two ****


End file.
